Ask will

[will]

Well, in the spirit of ask xzxzzx, Im gonna open an ask will thread with the purpose of trying to answer any questions you guys might have when it comes to cheese, as it seems there are many cheese haters. So here we can centrally locate these types of things, to keep them out of other parts of the forum (as some have express the wanting to).

Thread rules:
1. absolutely no flaming I will not respond to any post containing any insults and name calling.

2. Please post you questions as consisely as posible.

3. I won't argue my stance on biscuits. Lets keep this discussion free from biscuits. Biscuits and cheese may go together, but thats besides the point. I will label such matters with a (your mother) tag.

My Background:
Why do I consider myself worthy of creating such a thread?

I eat a lot of cheese. Not as much as cheesychops, however I am just plain better than him.

Let the Games begin!

[Mr Jones]

Will, is cock cheese safe to eat?

[will]

No.

[drewbar]

Is "American Cheese" (or more appropriately "American Pasteurized Processed Cheese Food") considered to be real cheese by cheese purists?

[Mr Jones]

Cheesecake, real cheese or simply cashing in on the cheese craze?

[d0rk]

Is there anything dangerous about eating 3 cans of Cheez-Whiz a day?

[will]

Originally posted by drewbar
Is "American Cheese" (or more appropriately "American Pasteurized Processed Cheese Food") considered to be real cheese by cheese purists?

American cheese (or as it is known outside of america, processed cheese slices) are clearly labeled on the packet as "Processed Cheese Food Slices"

However, whilst techinally being cheese, the french would certainly not touch american cheese with a barge-pole. Being as it is, fatty, fake and processed. Convieniently matching its name.

I think what you must ask youself is "Would you see this at a french mans table?" To which the answer is no.

Therefore, it is a member of the cheese under-class.

[MStar]

It also feels like plastic still when poked while slightly melted.

Why do mozzarella cheese curds work so much better on poutine than normal mozzarella?

[drewbar]

Is everything is better with cheddar?

[lostonline]

Which is better, sheeps milk or cows milk Wenslydale?

[will]

Jones: Just cashing in.
d0rk: yes, it makes you a fat ass.
MStar: Because of higher acid content.
drewbar: Not everything. For example, pudding.
lostonline: Cows. Sheep/goat milk tasts like the way sheep/goats smell. Disgusting.

[Mr Jones]

What kind of cheese is the moon really made out of?

[will]

Originally posted by Mr Jones
What kind of cheese is the moon really made out of?

Normally edam, but one in a blue moon, you'll see roquefort. (ha ha)

[Mr Jones]

Branston or Piccalilli ?

[will]

Originally posted by Mr Jones
Branston or Piccalilli ?

(your mother)

[Mr Jones]

Excuse me?

[will]

Like biscuits, pickles are non-cheese related, hence get a (your mother) tag. See rule 3.

[Mr Jones]

Course they are releated, the cracker, biscuit, wine, grapes and assorted pickles are the perfect bed partners of many a cheese product, hence my question.


Or are you telling me you never eat your cheese with anything?, cheese sarnies in your house must be hella poor without the aid of some bread, butter and choice of condiment.

Take your rule 3 and stick it where the cheese don't curdle

Rules are meant to be broken, God says so

[Mr Jones]

But if you insist, I shall withdraw my previous question and pose a new one...

I have a mouse that lives in my garage, I have selection of cheeses in my fridge, which do you think would be best to feed him with.
I have...
Red Leicester
Port Salut
A block of Danish Blue
Or some Dairylee triangles

I'm thinking about ease of eating for the little fella and nutritional value for him

[will]

I shall answer your question, but I'll leave my (your mother) tag in place.

I don't like any form of pickles. I eat my cheese either on bread (with butter), in a cheeseburger or on a cream cracker (also with butter). Or perhaps sprinkeled on spaghetti, or another pasta dish.

Anything apart from that is just disgusting.

[will]

Kill your mouse, YOU need the cheese more than it does.

[Mr Jones]

I find it hard to kill any life form smaller than myself, I'd have no problem with humans as most of them are arseholes, but there you go

Next questions..

Is Swiss cheese Cheese with holes in it, or a set of holes with Cheese around it ?

[will]

Without the cheese, it wouldn't be cheese.
Without the holes it wouldn't be swiss.

You need both the cheese AND the holes for it to be swiss cheese.

However, in the development of the swss cheese, the cheese was there first, and the holes developed as part of the cheese making process.

Therefore, swiss cheese is cheese with holes in it.

[Mr Jones]

How many Dairylea Dunkers laid end to end would be needed to form a track from lands end to john o'groats?

[will]

(your mother) your average Dairylea dunker is 12cm long.

Lands end to john o'groats is 1600km, therefore you'd need approx 13.3 million dunkers.

[CraigF]

where does the phrase "say cheese" come from?

[Mr Jones]

Over 22 million according to the kraft foods web site.
http://www.kraftfoods.co.uk/dairylea/facts.htm

/can't believe I looked that up...

next question, I've just wined and dined the latest in a long line of potential mates, what cheese would I be best serving up with the after dinner coffee to ensure I reach the Sixtynined stage of the evening?

[will]

CraigF: Your mother.

Jones: Camembert. Also, that means I was wrong about my 12cm figure, kraft use a value closer to 7.2 cm.

[Mr Jones]

Why is it that if I eat Cheese before going to sleep I have the most funky, vivid far out dreams, when I don't eat cheese I don't, so what is it in Cheese that disturbs and enhances my brain activity while in the land of nod?

[will]

Thats because cheese is fatty and hard to digest. This makes the digestion system, and thus your sleep uncomfortable, stimulating the brain.

[Mr Jones]

Ok, last one for now..

I'm off for lunch in a minute, all this talk of cheese has left me craving that congealed milky goodness.

Should I have..

Plain Cheese Sarnie
Cheese Salad Sarnie
Cheese and HP Brown sauce Sarnie.
Warm Bacon & Brie with Salad Sarnie
Italian Salami & Edam Sarnie, with a dash of mayo..

Choices choices, guide me oh cheese guru...

[will]

Bacon and brie, no salad.

[beanboy89]

Will, what's your favroite kind of cheese?

[will]

Originally posted by beanboy89
Will, what's your favroite kind of cheese?

Reblochon, from the savoy region of the alps. Especailly as part of a tartiflette. Also, I enjoy a good raclette.

mmm.

[ojms]

Double Glouscestershire, why is it "Double"?

[will]

Double Gloucester is crafted using a mixture of morning and evening milk. Hence the name.

[ojms]

Does red leiceter really come from leiceter?

[will]

If its genuine, yes

[k_rock923]

Do you like brie cheese?

[will]

Yes.