Old 23rd November 2002, 22:48   #1
insomniac
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We now take you to the Oval Office...

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of
China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the
Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone. (Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should
send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese
food in the Middle East?

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Old 23rd November 2002, 22:56   #2
patroclus22
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lmao!

After the day I had, I needed that.

Flypaper for the walking wounded since 1997
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Old 24th November 2002, 00:25   #3
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/me falls over laughing. Then, realizing this conversation actually could have happened, I sadly pick myself up.
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Old 24th November 2002, 00:25   #4
Widdykats
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BRAVO!! Two paws up, waaaay up!
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Old 24th November 2002, 00:33   #5
Dynamik
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LOL!
This should be a skit on saturday night live!
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Old 24th November 2002, 05:03   #6
AjStone
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/me pisses myself laughing!!!

Excellent stuff! Especially for a Texan who knows that W. would act like that!
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Old 24th November 2002, 05:15   #7
InvisableMan
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um. exept the person would say the whole name, not just hu.

sigh, thats all the democrats know how to do. bash the better president. its a shame that such smart people have to be reduced to such childish things.

nevertheless, something you will never be able to make a comeback for with any joke you make at the republicans for the rest of eternity: al gore says "I invented the internet."



(don't get me wrong, i have no political alignment, but i just dislike the democrats more then the republicans for being bitchy wussy whiners all the fucking time. i am fed up with it.)
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Old 24th November 2002, 05:19   #8
insomniac
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I`m a Republican, and I like Bush. I don`t think he`s stupid, and I don`t think this little joke portrays him as that. It`s just a funny example of how some names can be mixed up, not a political statement. Also, this never happened, and if it did, it would be an honest mistake.
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Old 24th November 2002, 05:21   #9
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i know that, because something like that happend to einstien, so its nothing to get flusterd about.
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Old 24th November 2002, 05:30   #10
insomniac
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Old 24th November 2002, 12:51   #11
Widdykats
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I'm a die hard democrat. And making fun of Clinton was a daily passtime!
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Old 24th November 2002, 13:56   #12
fwgx
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old shooting stars gag

q) What is the name of the president of Tiawan.
a) err... I dunno. FooWu.
No I'm sorry the answer is What

"We think science is interesting and if you disagree, you can fuck off."
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Old 24th November 2002, 15:00   #13
eleet-2k2
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Rofl! Very funny. I needed that after just typing out my english paper...

Good stuff. Too bad Bush might actually engage in a conversation like that... Can you guys elect a president with more than a 70 IQ?

"Welcome to the Island of people who know too much."..."Did you really think balloons would stop him?!"
See what I'm listening too.
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Old 24th November 2002, 16:59   #14
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LOL

batman
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Old 24th November 2002, 17:04   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by Widdykats
I'm a die hard democrat. And making fun of Clinton was a daily passtime!
Same here. Republicans must starch their underwear. They seem to have a hard time laughing at themselves.
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Old 24th November 2002, 18:05   #16
Widdykats
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Quote:
Originally posted by randman


Same here. Republicans must starch their underwear. They seem to have a hard time laughing at themselves.
Love it, cuz it's true.
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Old 24th November 2002, 18:08   #17
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Quote:
Originally posted by Widdykats
BRAVO!! Two paws up, waaaay up!
LMAO 2 paws up
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Old 24th November 2002, 18:11   #18
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Quote:
Originally posted by randman
/me falls over laughing. Then, realizing this conversation actually could have happened, I sadly pick myself up.
OH please, bush isnt up to that level!

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Old 24th November 2002, 18:14   #19
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Me envisions a nuke being set off by a conversation similar to that...

I am so important I feel the need to let it be known like a liberal discovering the internets for the first time. Uh hur hur hur. I also wash myself with a rag on a stick.
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Old 24th November 2002, 19:32   #20
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Quote:
Originally posted by insomniac
I`m a Republican, and I like Bush. I don`t think he`s stupid, and I don`t think this little joke portrays him as that. It`s just a funny example of how some names can be mixed up, not a political statement. Also, this never happened, and if it did, it would be an honest mistake.

IT would be even funnier if it were not true....What was it he did to the yen with ONE word,sorry But even Homer ain't that thick

btw I'm at the moment watching a Programme about " Air Force One" Holy flying planes batman! What an Awesome setup!
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Old 24th November 2002, 20:48   #21
dollerspark
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Quote:
Originally posted by randman

Same here. Republicans must starch their underwear. They seem to have a hard time laughing at themselves.
No joke!


I've got some:

His closest advisors came to visit Dubya at the White House one evening and found him slamming down beers and whooping it up. They were astonished since he had given up drinking years ago. When asked why he was off the wagon, Dubya replied that he was celebrating finishing a jigsaw puzzle. They smiled and told him that wasn't much of an accomplishment. "Ah, but you're wrong. I did it in record time." When asked what that record was, he replied that he had finished it after only 6 months. Again, they told him that wasn't that great. "Oh yeah?" said the commander in chief, "Well the box says 3-5 YEARS!"

-and-

Cheney gets a call from his "boss", W.

"I've got a problem," says W.

"What's the matter?" asks Cheney.

"Well, you told me to keep busy in the Oval Office, so, I got a jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."

"What's it a picture of?" asks Cheney.

"A big rooster," replies W.

"All right," sighs Cheney, "I'll come over and have a look."

So he leaves his office and heads over to the Oval Office. W points at the jigsaw on his desk.

Cheney looks at the desk and then turns to W and says, "For God's sake, George, put the damn cornflakes back in the box!"



*prepares for Republican comments*

"We are fortunate: we are alive; we are powerful; the welfare of our civilization and our species is in our hands. If we do not speak for Earth, who will? If we are not committed to our own survival, who will be?" -Carl Sagan
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Old 24th November 2002, 20:57   #22
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gggrrrrrrr....





















I HOPE U ALL DIE
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Old 24th November 2002, 21:18   #23
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Lighten up.
Im not yet registered to vote, but I will probably register as a Democrat. I laugh at jokes about Gore and Clinton and whatnot, why do some of you Republicans have to be so angry...you sound like your ass is eating your pants or something.

Insomniac, where'd you get those? Very funny.
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Old 25th November 2002, 00:15   #24
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can i just express an opinion.

ALL THE PEOPLE PICKING HOLES IN THIS JOKE ARE BEING WHINY, AND MISSING THE POINT.

just because there's a republican president now, does that make the joke less funny? if it was a democrat in office the exact same joke would be told. tell you what we could do, we could replace it with tony blair if you like. i won't be offended. and no, i don't think tony blair's stupid either. it's just a joke.

LIGHTEN. THE. FUCK. UP.

it's like:
normal guy: "hey, did you hear this one? penguin walks into a bar, right..."
boring guy: "what? how did it open the door? let alone get past security?"
normal guy: "look, that's not important, it's just a..."
boring guy: "...oh but i think it is important. i mean, how can a joke about something that could never happen be funny? for the love of god, don't you know anything about humour?"


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Old 25th November 2002, 07:10   #25
blumoon11
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dynamik
LOL!
This should be a skit on saturday night live!
I completely agree.
God that was a good laugh, I don't think my roomate agrees though considerin is now 2:10 am and I am laughing my ass off!
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Old 25th November 2002, 07:30   #26
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I myself am a democrat, but even republicans should enjoy some of these!

Q: How do you keep a republican busy all day?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to wait in the corner.

Q: If a republican's going to London on a plane: how can you steal his window seat?
A: Tell him the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: What do you do when a republican throws a pin at you?
A: Run like Hell -- he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

Q: What do you call a republican golfer with an IQ of 125?
A: A foursome.

Q: Why do Republicans wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.

Q: Why should you never take a republican out for coffee?
A: It's too hard to re-train them.

Q: What do republicans do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.

This is true: A large motor home that looked like it was thrown by a tornado was towed into a garage. It turned out that the driver, a republican, had set the cruise control, then went back to make a sandwich.

Q: What is the republican doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Technical note for republicans:
When your PC says, "Insert diskette #2", don't do it immediately. Remove disk #1 first, even if you're sure you can make them both fit in there.

Q: Why did the republican stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.

Q: Why did the republican bake a chicken for 6 days?
A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and he weighed 280.

Republican fetus-worshippers want to give fetuses equal or superior rights over women's bodies, even if it threatens a woman's physical health -- even when the fetus doesn't yet have a fully functioning human brain, or any brain at all. You have to say one thing -- Republicans take care of their own.

Q: Why did the republican have blisters on his lips?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.

Q: Why don't republicans have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.

Q: Why do republicans work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: What's the difference between Elvis and a smart republican?
A: Elvis has been sighted.

Q: What is foreplay for a republican?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.

For years, the young attorney had been taking vacations at a country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!

"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"

"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talking and talking, and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a Republican."

Q: How does a republican commit suicide?
A: He gathers his hate into a pile and jumps off.

Biggest Joke of the Year:
--Republican Fairness--

Q: Why did God give Republicans 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because He wanted them to stop relieving themselves in the streets during parades.

How do you get a one-armed republican out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.

Q: How do you get a republican' eyes to twinkle with hate?
A: Shine a light in his ears.

Q: What's every republican's ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

Q: What were the worst 6 years in a republican's life?
A: Third Grade.

Q: What do UFO's and smart republicans have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Q: Why doesn't a republican's guts fall out of his butt when he stands?
A: Because the vacuum in his head keeps them in place.

Q: How do you make a republican laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !

Q: How do you confuse a republican?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: Why do republicans hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.

Q: How do you keep a republican busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q: How does the republican car pool work?
A: They all meet at work at 8 AM.

Technical note for republicans:
When your PC says "You have mail", don't go to the company mail room and look for a package.

Q: Why can't republicans make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.

Q: Why couldn't the republican write the number ELEVEN ?
A: He didn't know which ONE came first.

Q: How many republicans does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.

Q: Republicans want to bring back the pre-1950 laws that ban contraceptive devices. What is their simpler method of birth control?
A: They take off their clothes.

Q: How did the republican break his leg raking leaves?
A: He fell out of the tree.

Q: How can you tell when a FAX was sent from a republican?
A: There's a stamp on it.

Q: Why is it good to have a republican passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: Why do republicans have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.

Q: Why do Republicans have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.

Q: What happens when a republican gets Alzheimers disease?
A: His IQ goes up!

Q: What did the republican woman say when she gave birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

FLASH--WASH.DC: Philip Morris said today that the tobacco settlement is costing so much money that they may have to lay off two Republican senators.

Q: What does a republican say when you ask him if his blinker is on?
A: "It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off."

Q: What do you get when you offer a republican a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.

If I had half a mind,
I'd be a republican.

Q: What does a republican say if you blow in his/his ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"

Q: What do you call a Republican skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide-and-go-seek winner.

Q: What do you call a basement full of republicans?
A: A whine cellar.

Q: What do you call 10 republicans standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Q: What do you call 15 republicans in a circle?
A: A dope ring.

Republicans aren't all bad. One saw a car go underwater and rescued two people just using the air that he had in his head.

Q: What do you call a republican in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.

Q: What do you call a republican with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: What do you call a democrat with a republican on either side?
A: An interpreter.

Q: What do you see when you look into a republican's eyes?
A: The back of his head.

Q: What does a republican and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Be kind. Remember that sex IS a sin, the way Republicans do it.

Q: What does a republican owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: What do you call a zit on a republican's butt?
A: A brain tumor.

Q: Why did the republican keep a coat hanger in his back seat?
A: In case he locks the keys in his car.

Q: What do you call it when a republican gets taken over by a demon?
A: A vacant possession.

Q: Why is the republican's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 republicans.

Q: Did you hear about the republican couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: What goes "Voom Screech Voom Screech Voom Screech"?
A: A republican going through a flashing red light.

Q: A republican ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Answer to a republican question: Yes, it's okay to use the Polaroid Land Camera on a boat.

Q: What about the republican wife who gave birth to twins?
A: Her husband is out looking for the other guy.

Did you hear about the republican who after watching ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?

Two republicans observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger: Republican#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Republican#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!

A democrat and a republican are walking along in a park. The democrat says suddenly, "Aw, look at the dead bird". The republican stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"

A republican found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter". So the genie made him a democrat.

Q: Why are most Republican jokes so short?
A: So Republicans can understand them.

Q: Why is a Republican like a scud missile?
A: Both are offensive and inaccurate.

A lapsing republican goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers so he can practice safe sex instead of just saying no. He walks up to the pharmicist and asks "How much for a box of rubbers?" "They're $1 for a box of 3, plus 6 cents for the tax."
"Oh," said the republican, "I wondered how you kept them on."

A radio announcer was reporting one Republican hate speech, anti-poor, anti-police, and pro-gun jackboot rally, etc. after another, until the republican driver got mad and turned his radio off. A mile down the road, he saw another republican out in a wheat field in a boat rowing. The republican stopped his car jumped out and yelled, "You jerk, it's republicans like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

Q: Why don't Democrats suffer from piles?
A: Because all the assholes are in the other party.

Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but he'll go through a whole box trying to find the one that's farthest Right.

Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They'll pass a law forcing school children to pray to God to take the dark away.

Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but he won't change it unless the tobacco lobby pays him more.

Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They'll just say, "Read My Lips, The Light's On".

Q: What's the difference between listening to Republican promises and a lawn mower?
A: Lawn mowers are more believable.

Q: What's the difference between a Republican and a chain saw?
A: The exhaust.

Q: What the difference between a Republican and the rear end of a horse?
A: I don't know either.

Q: What's the difference between a dead Republican lying on the road and a dead squirrel lying on the road?
A: You feel sorry for the squirrel.

Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he'll first have to spend $40 million in taxpayer money holding a Congressional hearing on it, while complaining how everyone else wastes money. Then he'll have a special investigator spend another $40 million on it.

Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.

Q: What's the difference between a Republican and terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with the terrorist.

Q: Since they want to go back to the good old pre-1950 days when contraceptives were banned, what do Republicans use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: What's the difference between a Republican and a pirhana?
A: A suit.

Q: How is a Republican different from a sewer rat?
A: Some people actually like sewer rats.

Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They won't know the bulb's burnt out. No "vision-thing".

A Republican died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
"Ten dollars?", she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Republican? Here's a hundred; go bury 10 of them!"

Q: Did you hear about the time the Democrat locked his keys in the car?
A: It took two hours to get the Republican out.

Q: How do you tell if a Republican is dead?
A: The whiskey bottle is full and the comics haven't been touched.

If you took all the Republicans in the world and laid them end to end, it would be a good idea.

Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They prefer to walk in the dark.

Q: What does one say to a Republican in a three-piece suit?
A: "Will the defendant please rise?"

Q: What did judges actually say to 138 Reagan officials?
A: "Will the defendants please rise?"

Q: What does it mean when a Republican is drooling out both sides of his mouth?
A: The floor is level.

Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They just steal someone else's light.

Q: What's the most satisfying game to play with a Republican?
A: Solitaire.

Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two who want to go back to candles.

Q: What's the difference between a puppy and a Republican who the lobbyists didn't pay enough?
A: Eventually the puppy stops whining.

Q: How many republicans does it take to change a lightbulb at their National Convention?
A: 10,001. One lonely black guy to change it and 10,000 white men to claim affirmative action is unnecessary.

Q: Why are Republicans hearts so coveted for transplants?
A: They've had so little use.

Q: What's the difference between a Republican and a sack of manure?
A: The sack.

Q: What do you have when a group of Republicans are up to their necks in wet concrete?
A: Not enough concrete.

Did you hear about the planeload of Republican politicians en route to a Caribbean resort paid for by the tobacco and pollution lobbies? The good news - it crashed. The bad news -- there were three empty seats.

Q: What's the ideal weight for a Republican?
A: About 2-1/2 pounds including the urn.

Q: What's the difference between God and a Republican?
A: God knows He's not a Republican.

Q: What's the definition of a Republican running for Congress for the first time?
A: A mouse trying to become a rat.

Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb and four to publically pray to take the dark away.

Q: Why should you never have anal intercourse?
A: Because that's how Republicans are made.

Q: What's the difference between someone testifying at a Republican witch-hunt hearing, and a stagecoach driver?
A: The stagecoach driver only has to look at four horses' asses.

Q: How do republican braincells die?
A: Alone.

Q: How do you change a republican's mind?
A: Blow in his ear.

Q: How do you measure a republican's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear!

Q: How does a republican try to kill a fish?
A: Drown it.

Q: Why don't republicans like anal sex?
A: They don`t like their brains being screwed with.

Q: What do you give the republican that has everything?
A: Penicillin.

Q: Why did the republican put his finger over the nail when he was hammering?
A: The noise gave him a headache.

Q: Why did the republican climb up to the roof of the bar?
A: He heard that the drinks were on the house.

Q: What's the difference between a republican woman and a brick?
A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.

Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a republican.

Q: How do you describe a republican, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.

Q: What does a republican think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.

Q: What did the republican think of his new computer?
A: He didn't like it because he couldn't get the Pat Robertson channel.

Q: How can you tell when a republican woman is wearing pantyhose?
A: When she farts, her knees bag.

Q: How do you know when a republican has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What job function does a republican have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

Q: Do you know why the republican got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: Why don't republicans like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 2 cups of water in the little packet.

Q: What do you call 10 republicans at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air pockets.

Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a republican?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"

Q: Did you hear about the republican that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: He tried to commit suicide by hanging himself with a bungie cord.

Q: Did you hear about the Republican that ate mountain oysters?
A: He was dragged 200 yards.

Q: Did you hear about the Republican who couldn't wait to see "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea"?
A: He said that he loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.

Q: Did you hear about the Republican who stood in front of the mirror with his eyes closed?
A: He wanted to see what he looked like asleep.

Q: How did the republican try to kill the bird?
A: He threw it off a cliff.

Q: How did the republican die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on him.

Q: How did the republican burn his nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.

Q: What's the difference between a republican and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: What did the republican think of the new computer?
A: He didn't like it because he couldn't get the Christian Channel.

Q: What's the difference between a republican and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before jumping a trampoline.

Q: Why does a republican only change his baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

Q: Why do republicans like lightning?
A: They think someone's taking their picture.

Q: Why do republicans drive Fords?
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!

Q: Why do republicans have big hair?
A: To cover up the valve stem.

Q: Why do republicans wear their hair big?
A: To catch as much as they can that's over their heads.

Q: Why don't republicans double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

Q: Why don't republicans make good *******ists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

Q: Why don't republicans call 911 in an emergency?
A: They can't remember the number.

Q: Why don't republicans eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.

Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: "What's a lightbulb?"

Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. He holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

Q: What do you call 4 republicans lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.

Q: What do you call 20 republicans in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.

Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a republican's head?
A: A Space Invader.

A Republican and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the republican his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked it up in his book also.

"Now, if you will come with me, I will show you your eternal dwellings," said St. Peter. They walked along the clouds and came to a huge mansion with all sorts of lavish trappings. St. Peter turned to the Republican and told him this was to be his house. The Pope, knowing how important he was to the church could hardly imagine what his house would be like.

St. Peter and the Pope continued on to a small, beat-up wooden shack. St. Peter told the Pope that this would be his dwelling.

The Pope, shocked, said to St. Peter, "Just a minute! That other guy was a Republican and he gets a mansion. I was the head of the Roman Catholic church, and this is all the reward I get???"

St. Peter looked at the Pope and said "True, you have done great things. But we have lots of Popes in Heaven, and that guy was the first Republican ever to make it up here."

Q: Why did the republican have tire tread marks on his back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the republican tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So he wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the republican take his typewriter to the doctor?
A: He thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.

Q: Why did the republican get so excited after he finished his jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years".

Q: What do you call four Republicans in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin.

Q: Why don't they let Republicans swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

Q: What did the republican say when he looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: Why can't republicans put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammer.

Q: When is it legal to shoot a republican in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

Q: Did you here about the republican who shot an arrow into the air?
A: He missed.

Q: What is it called when a republican blows in another republican's ear?
A: Data transfer.

Q: What did the republican do when he heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: He moved.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A republican parade.

Q: Someone asked a republican if he believed in smoking.
A: He said "Yes, I've seen it done."

A republican's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
"I don't have to think -- I'm republican!"
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Old 25th November 2002, 14:37   #27
zootm
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lol. i've heard most of those before, but with "republican" replaced with "irishman".

sorry irish people.

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Old 25th November 2002, 14:42   #28
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dynamik - that's a post and a half.

and they are funnier with irishmen
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Old 25th November 2002, 21:47   #29
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LMAO! those are great guys

[edit] for the record, W. did think the prime minister of Canada was named Jean Poutine for awhile [/edit]


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Old 25th November 2002, 21:54   #30
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Quote:
Originally posted by zootm
lol. i've heard most of those before, but with "republican" replaced with "irishman".

sorry irish people.
Irish foreplay: "Brace yourself, Brigit!"
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Old 25th November 2002, 22:15   #31
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Old 26th November 2002, 02:37   #32
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From yesterdays, AZRepublic I believe:




"We are fortunate: we are alive; we are powerful; the welfare of our civilization and our species is in our hands. If we do not speak for Earth, who will? If we are not committed to our own survival, who will be?" -Carl Sagan
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Old 26th November 2002, 03:56   #33
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Quote:
Originally posted by zootm
sorry irish people.
Ivanna Trump put it best when she said, "Don't get mad, get even."

So I'll let the deeds of none other then Cúchulainn himself smite thee:


Fect n-oen do Ailill & do Meidb íar n-dergud a rígleptha dóib i Cruachanráith Chonnacht, arrecaim comrad chind-cherchailli eturru.


Fírbriathar, a ingen, bar Ailill, is maith ben ben dagfir. Maith omm, bar ind ingen. Cid diatá latsu ón. Is de atá lim, bar Ailill, ar it ferr-su indiu indá in lá thucus-sa thu. Bamaith-se remut, ar Medb. Is maith nach cualammar & nach fetammar, ar Ailill, acht do bithsiu ar bantincur mnaa & bidba na crich ba nessom duit oc breith do slait & do chrech i fúatach úait.


Ni samlaid bása, ar Medb, acht m'athair i n-ardrigi hErenn .i. Eocho Feidlech mac Find meic Findomain meic Findeoin meic Findguni meic Rogein Rúaid meic Rigéoin meic Blathachta meic Beothechta meic Enna Agnig meic Oengusa Turbig. Bátar aice se ingena d'ingenaib: Derbriu, Ethi & Éle, Clothru, Mugain, Medb, messi ba uasliu & ba urraitiu díb.


Bam-sa ferr im rath & tidnacul díb, bam-sa ferr im chath & comrac & comlund díb. Is acum batar cóic cét déc rígamus do maccaib deórad echtar tir & a chommeit n-aill dó maccaib aurrad ar medón, & dechenbur cach amuis díb-side & ochtur ri cach n-amus & morfessiur cach amuis & sessiur cach amais & cóicfiur cach amuis & triur ri cach n-amus & dias cach amuis, amus cach amuis. Batar sain ri gnath-teglach, ar Medb, conid aire dobert m'athair cuiced de choicedaib hErenn dam, .i. coiced Cruachna, conid de asberar Medb Chruachna frim.


Tancas o Find mac Rosa Ruaid rig Lagen dom chungid-sa & ó Chairpri Nia fer mac Rosa Rúaid ríg Temrach & tancas o Chonchobur mac Fachtna Fáthaig ríg Ulad, tancas o Eochaid Bic, & ni dechad-sa, dáig is me ra chunnig in ciobchi n-ingnaid na ra chunnig ben riam remom ar fer d'feraib hErenn .i. fer cen neóit cen ét cen omon.


Dia m-bad neóit in fer ga m-beind ni bad chomadas dún beith maróen, fo bíth ammaith-sea im rath & tidnacul, & bad cháined dom fir co m-bad im ferr-sa im rath secha, & ni bad cháined immorro co m-bar commaithe, acht co m-badar maithe díblínaib. Dia m-bad úamain m' fer, ní mó bad chomdas dún beith maróen, uair brissim-sea catha & cumlenhga & congala m'oenur, & bad cháined dom fir co m-bad beodu a ben indá, & ní cáined a m-beith combéoda, acht con bat beoda diblínaib. Da m-bad étaid in fer ca m-beind, ni bad chomdas béus, dáig ni raba-sa riam can fer ar scáth araile ocum.


Fuarusa dana in fer sain .i. tussu .i. Ailill mac Rosa Ruaid do Lagnib: nirsat neóit, nirsat étaid, nirsat deáith. Tucusa cor & coibchi duit, amail as dech téit do mnái, .i. timthach da fer déc d'étach, carpat tri secht cumal, comlethet t'aigthi do dergór, comthrom do riged clí do finddruini. Cip é imress mela & mertain & meraigecht fort, ní fuil díri no eneclann duit-siu ind, acht na fil dam-sa, ar Medb, dáig fer ar tincur mná atatchomnaic.


Ni amlaid sin ba-sa, ar Ailill, acht da brathair limm, fer díb for Temraig & fer for Lagnib, .i. Find for Lagnib & Carpre for Temraig. Léicsius rígi dóib ar a sinsirecht, & nip ferra im rath no thidnacul andúsa, & ni chuala chuiced i n-hErinn ar bantinchur acht in cuiced sa a oenur. Tanac-sa dana, gabsus rígi sund i tanachus mo mathar, dáig ar bith Máta Murisc ingen Magach mo mathair, ocus gia ferr dam-sa rigan no biad ocum andaisiu, dáig ingen ardríg hErenn atatchomnaic. Atá dana, ar Medb, is lia mo maith-sea indá do maith-siu. Is ingnad linni aní sin, ar Ailill, ar ni fil nech is lia seóit & moíne & indmassa andú-sa & ra fetar na fail.

Tucad dóib an ba táriu da sétaib, co festais cia díb da m-bad lia séoit & móine & indmassa. Tucad chucu a n-ena & a n-dabcha & a n-iarnlestair, a mílain & a lóthommair & a n-drolmacha.


Tucait dana cucu a Fánne & a falge & a fornasca & a n-órdúse & a n-étguda, eter chorcair & gorm & dub & úaine, buide & brecc & lachtna, odor, alad & riabach.


Tucait a murthréta cáirech d'aicthib & d'urlannaib & redib. Ra rímit & ra harmit & ra achnít cor batar cutrjmma comméti comlínmair, acht bái raithi sainenail for cáirchaib Medba & ba gabalta i cumail é & bói rethi a recartha for cáirchaib Ailella.


Tucait a n-eich & a n-echrada & a n-grega d'fergeltaib & scoraib. Bái ech sainemail ar graig Medba & ba gabalta i cumail, bái ech a recartha oc Ailill.


Tucait dana a murthréta mucc a fedaib & fanglentaib & diamairib. Ra rímit & ra hármit & ra hachnít. Bói torc sainemail oc Meidb & araile dana la hAilill.


Tucait dana a m-bóthainte bó & a n-alma & a n-immirge dóib a fedaib & fasaigib in chuicid.


Ra rimit & ra hármit & ra hacnit, & roptar cutrumma commeti comlinmair dóib, acht bói tarb sainemail ar búaib Ailella & ba loég bó do Meidb atacomnaic & Findbennach a ainm, acht nír bo miad leis beith for bantinchur acht dochuaid co m-bói for buaib in rig. Ocus ba samalta re Meidb na beth penning a selba lé, ar na bái tarb a chonméit ( ) lé for a buaib.


Is andsain conacrad Mac Róth ind echlach co Meidb & conscomarc Meidb de, ar co fessed Mac Roth airm i m-biad tarb a samla sút i cuiciud de chuicedaib hErenn. Ro fetar omm, bar Mac Roth, airm i fail tarb as dech & is ferr dorísi, i cuiciud Ulad, i trichait cet Cualnge. i tig Dáre meic Fachtnai, .i. Dond Cualnge a ainm.


Tó duit-siu connici sain, a Meic Roth, & cunnig dam-sa for Dáre íasacht m-bliadna do Dund Cualnge, & ragaid lóg a iasachta do i cind bliadna .i. cóica samaisci & Dond Cualnge fadessin. Ocus ber-siu comaid aile latt, a Meic Roth, mad olc ra lucht na críchi & ind feraind in sét sainemail sin (||) do thabairt, .i. Dond Cualnge, táit-sum féin ra tharb, ragaid comméit a feraind féin do mín Maige Ái dó, & carpat tri secht cumal, & ragaid cardes mo liasta-sa fessin.


Lotar iarsain na echlacha dó co tech Dare meic Fiachnai. Is é lín luid Mac Roth nónbor echlach. Ra ferad falti iar tain fri Mac Roth i tig Dáre. Deithbir sin, primechlach uile Mac Roth. Ra iarfacht Dáre do Mac Roth, cid dobretha imthecht fair & cid ma tanic.


Innisis ind echlach inní imma tanic & innisid immarbaig eter Meidb & Ailill, & is do chungid iasachta don Dund Cualnge i n-agid ind Findbennaig tanac, ar se, & atetha lóg a iasachta .i. cóica samasci & Dond Cualnge fessin, ocus araill aile dana béus, tair-siu féin lat tarb & fogéba comméit th' feraind féin de mín Maige Ái & carpat tri secht cumal & cardes (||) sliasta Medba airsin anechtair.


Ba aitt la Dáre anisin, & ram-bertaig co raimdetar úammand a cholcthech fái, ocus atrubairt: Dar fír ar cubais, cid anní ra Ultaib, berthair in sét sa in cur sa do Ailill & do Meidb .i. Dond Cualnge i crich Connacht. Ba maith dana la Mac Roth ra rade Fiachna.


Ra frithalit iarsain & ra hecrait áine & urluachra fóthib. Tucad cáine bíd dóib & ra fordaled fled forro co m-bátar búadirmesca. Ocus dorécaim comrád eter da echlaig díb. Fírbriathar, ar indara echlach, is maith fer intaige itám. Maith omm, bar araile. In fuil cid (d') Ultaib nech is ferr andás, ar ind echlach taisech béus. Atá omm, bar ind echlach tanaise, ferr Conchobar catá, & cid immi gabtais Ulaid uile ane, ní bad nár dóib. Mór in maith dó, aní i m-biad opair cethri n-ollchoiced n-hErenn do brith a crích Ulad, .i. Dond Cualnge, do thabairt dúnni nónbur echlach.


Andsain dana conarraid in tresechlach comrád forru. Ocus cid ráter lib-si, ar si. Ind echlach út atbeir: is maith fer fer in taige itaam. Maith omm, bar araile. In fail cid d'Ultaib nech is ferr andá, ar ind echlach thaisech béus. Atá cmm, ar ind echlach tanaise. Ferr Conchobor catá, & gid imme gabtais Ulaid uili ane, ní bad nár dóib. Mór in maith do, aní i m-biad opair cethri n-ollchoiced (N-hErrenn) do brith a crích Ulad do thabairt dúnni nónbor echlach. Nirb'urail limm sceith cró & fola sin m-bél assa tic sain, daig cen co tucthá ar áis dobértha (||) ar écin.


Is andsin doruacht fer uird rainne Dáre meic Fiachnai sin tech & fer fo lind leis & fer fó bíud, & atchuala an ra chansat, & táncatar fergga dó & turnaid a biad & a lind dóib & ní ebairt riu a chathim & ní ebairt a nemchathim.


Dochúaid assa aithle issin tech irrabi Dáre mac Fiachnai ocus ra rádi: In tú thuc in sét suachnid út dona hechlachaib .i. dond Cualnge. Is me omm, for Dáre. Ni raib rigi (||) airm i tucad, ar is fír aní radit, ar con tuca-su ar áis dom-béra ar écin fri sochraiti Ailella & Medba ocus ra móreolas Fergusa meic Róig. Dothunhg mo deo da n-adraim, na co m-bérat ar écin samlaid nacha m-bérat ar áis.


Fessit samlaid co matin. Atragat na echlacha co moch arnabárach & dochúatar i tech i m-bái Dáre. Eolas dún, a úasail, co rísem bail atá in Dond Cualnge. Ni thó omm, ar Dáre, acht dia m-bad bés dam-sa fell for echlacha no for aes n-emthechta no tastil sliged, ni ragad nech uaib i m-bethaid. Cid són, ar Mac Roth. Fail a mórabba, ar Dáire. Ra raidsebair, cen co tucaind ar áis, doberaind ar écin ra sochraiti Ailella & Medba & ra móreolas Fergusa.


Aile, ar Mac Roth, gip ed no raditís echlacha dot lind-su & dot biud, ni hed ba tabartha do áig no do aire no d'airbire do Ailill & do Meidb. Ní thibér-sa trá, a Meic Roth, mo tharb din chur sa dian-etur.


Lotar na echlacha ar cúl dó samlaid ocus rancatar Cruachanráith Connacht. Conscodarc Medb scéla dib Adféta Mac Roth scéla, na tucsat a tharb ó Dáre. Cid fotera són, ar Medb. Rádis Mac Roth aní dia m-bái. Ní hécen féth dar fudbu de, a Meic Roth, ar ra fess, ar Medb, na tibertha ar áis co tuctha ar écin, & doberthar ón.

Urthatar techta ó Meidb cosna Manib ar co tístaís co Cruachain, na secht Mani cona secht trichtaib cét, .i. Mane Mathremail Mane Athremail & Mane Conda-gaib uili, Mane Mingor & Mane Mórgor & Mane Conda-mo-epert.


Urthatar techta aile co maccaib Magach .i. Cet mac Magach & Anlúan mac Magach & Maccorb mac Magach & Bascell mac Magach & Én mac Magach, Dóche mac Magach, Scandal mac Magach.


Tancatar sain & ba sed allín deich cét ar fichit cét fer n-armach. Urthatar techta aile uathib co Cormac Condlongas mac Conchobair, & co Fergus mac Roig, & tancatar, deich cét ar fichit cét allín.


In cetna lorg cetamus: forthí berrtha forro, bruit úanidi impu, delggi argait intib, lénti órshnaith fria cnessaib, ba tórniud do dergór. Claidib gelduirn léo co n-imdurn argit. Inn é Cormac sút, for cách. Nad é om, for Medb.


In lorg tanaise: berrtha nua leo, bruitt forglassa uli impu, lénti glegela fria cnessaib. Claidib co muletaib óir & co n-imdurnib argait leo. Inn é Cormac sút, for cách. Nad é omm, bar Medb.


In lorg dedenach: berrtha lethna leo, monga findbuide forórda forscailti forru, bruitt chorcra cumtaichthi impu, delgi órdai ecorthi ós ochtaib dóib, lénti sémi setai sítaidi co tendmedón traiged dóib. Inn oenfecht dos torbaitis a cossa & dofairnitis arís. Inn é Cormac sút, ar cách. Is é ón ém, ar Medb.


Ra gabsatar dunad & longphort inn aidchi sin, cor ba dlúim diad & tened eter chethri áthaib Ái, .i. Áth Moga (||) & Áth m-Bercna & Ath Slissen & Áth Coltna. Ocus tarrassatar ed cían cóicthigis i Cruachanraith Connacht ic ól & ic ánius & ic áibnius, co m-bad esaiti leo a fecht & a slogad.


Ocus is andsain rádis Medb fria haraid, ar co n-gabad a echraid di, co n-digsed d'acallaim a druad d'iarfaigid fessa & fástini de.

A ránic Medb airm i m-bai a drui, ra iarfacht fiss & fastini de. Sochaide scaras fria choemu & fria chairdiu sund indiu, ar Medb, & fria chrích & fria ferand, fria athair & fria mathair, & meni thíset uli i n-imslánti, forom-sa co m-benfat a n-osnaid & ammallachtain, arái sin ní théit immach & ni anand i fus as diliu lind oldammit fadessin, & fintassu dún, in tecam fo na tecam.


Ocus ra ráid in drúi: Cip é no na tic, ticfa-su fessin. Impáis in t-ara in carpat & dothaét Medb for cúlu, co n-accai ní rap ingnad lé, .i. in n-aenmnái for fertais in charpait na farrad ina dochum. Is amlaid bói ind ingen:


ic figi corrthairi & claideb findruini ina láim deiss cona secht n-aslib do dergór ina dessaib; bratt ballabrecc uani impi; bretnas torrach trencend sin brutt osa brunni; gnúis chorcra chrumainech lé; rosc glass gairectach le; beóil derga thanaide; dét niamda nemanda, andar let batar frossa findnémand erctais ina cend; cosmail do nuapartaing a beóil; binnidir téta mendchrot aca seinm allámaib sirshúad bindfogur a gotha & a cáinurlabra; gilidir snechta sniged fri oenaidchi taidlech a cniss & a colla sech a timthach sechtair; traigthi seta sithgela, ingni corcra córi cruindgéra lé; folt findbudi fata forórda furri; teora trillsi da fult imma cend, trilis aile co m-benad foscad fri colptha.


Forrécacha Medb furri. Ocus cid dogní-siu andsain innossa a ingen, for Medb. Ic tairdeilb do lessasu & do lítha ic teclaim & ic tinól cethri n-ollchóiced n-hErenn lat-su i crích n-Ulad ar cend tana bó Cualnge. Cid má n-dénai-siu dam-sa sain, ar Medb. Fail a morabba dam, banchumal dit muntir atam-chomnaic. Cóich dom muntir-sea tussu, ar Medb. Ni hinsa ém, Feidelm banfáid a síd Chruachna atamchomnaic-se.


a Feidelm banfáid,
cia facci ar slúag.


Atchiu forderg forro,
atchiu ruad.


Atá Conchobar na chess noinden i n-Emain ém, ar Medb, rancatar m'echl(ach)a-sa connice, ní fail ní itagammar-ne la Ultu. Acht abbair a fír, a Feidelm.


Feidelm banfáid,
cia facci ar slúag.
Atchiu forderg forro,
atchiu ruad.


Ata Cuscraid Mend Macha mac Conchobair i n-Inis Cuscraid ina chess. Rancatar m'echlacha (connice), ni fhail ní itagammar-ne la Ultu. Acht abbair-siu fír, a Fheidelm.


Feidelm banhfáid,
cia fhacci ar slúag.
Atchiu forderg forro,
atchiu ruad.


Ata Eogan mae Durthacht ic Ráith Airthir na chess. Rancatar m'echlacha connice, ni fuil ní itagammar-ne la Ultu. Acht abbair-siu fír rind, a Feidelm.


Feidelm banfáid,
cia facci ar slúag.
Atchiu forderg forro,
atchiu ruad.


Atá Celichair macc Uthechair ina dún na chess. Rancatar m'echlacha connice, ni fuil ní itagammar-ne la Ultu. Act abbair fír, a Feidelm.


Feidelm banfáid,
cia facci ar slúag.
Atchiu forderg forro,
atchiu ruad.


Ni bá lim-sa aní datá lat-su sain, dáig o condricfat fir hErend oenbaile, betit debtha & irgala & scandlacha & scandrecha eturru im chomríchtain tossaig no derid no átha no aband, im chetguine muicce no aige no fíada no fiadmíla. Acht abbair fír rind, a Feidelm.


Feidelm banfáid,
cia facci ar slúag.
Atchiu forderg forro,
atchiu ruad.


[Atehiu fer find firfes chless] & ro gab ic tairngiri & remfastine Conculaind d'feraib hErend, & doringni láid:



Atchiu fer find firfes chless
co lín chret ina chaemcnes,
lond láith i n-airthiur a chind,
oenach buada ina thilchind.
Fail secht gemma láth n-gaile
ar lar a dá imcaisne,
fail fuidrech for a rinne,
fail laéind deirg drolaig imme.

Ro fail gnúis is grátam dó,
dober mod don banchuireo,
gilla óc is delbdu dath
tadbait delb drecoin don chath.

Nocon fetar cóich in cú
Culaind asa Murthemniu,
acht ra fetar-sa tra imne
bid forderg in sluag sa de.

Cethri claidbíni cress n-án
ra fail cechtar a da lám,
condricfa a n-imbirt for slúag,
isaingním ris téit cech n-ai úad.

A gae bulgae mar-domber
cenmothá a chlaideb sa sleg,
fer i furchrus bruitt deirg
dobeir a choiss for cach leirg.

A da sleig dar fonnad n-gle
ar-dá-sgail in ríastarde,
cruth dom-arfáit air cose
derb limm no chloemchlaifed gnee.

Ro gab tascugud don chath,
meni faichlither bid brath,
don chomlund isé far-saig
Cuchulainn mac Sualtaig.

Slaidfid far sluagu slana,
con curfe far tiugára,
faicebthai leis óg far cend,
ní cheil in banfaid Feidelm.

Silfid crú a cnessaib curad,
bud fata bas chian chuman,
beit cuirp cerbtha, cáinfit mná
ó Choin na cerdda atchiu-sa.


Tairngire & remfastini, & cendphairt in sceóil, & fotha a fagbala & a denma, & comrád chind cherchaille doringni Ailill & Medb i Cruachain connice sain.

& tossach in t-slúagid & anmand na sliged dochuatar ollchoiced hErend i crích Ulad,


.i. i Mag Cruinn,
for Tóm Mona,
for Turloch teóra Crích,
for Cul Sílinni,
for Dubloch,

for Badbgna,
for Coltain,
for Sinaind,
for Gluine Gabur,


for Mag Trega,
for Tethba Tuascirt,
for Tethba [in] Descirt,
for Cuil,
for Ochain,
for Uatu fothúaid,
for Tiarthechta sair,
for Ord,
for Slaiss,
for Indeóin,


for Carn,
for Mide,
for Ortrach,
for Dindglassa Asail,
for Druing,
for Delt,
for Duelt,
for Delaind,
for Selaig,
for Slabra,


for Slechta con selgatar dlaidib ria Meidb & Ailill,
for Cúil Siblinni,
for Dub,
for Ochun
for Catha,
for Cromma
for Tromma,
for Fodromma,
for Sláne,
for Gort Sláne,


for Druimm Licci,
for Áth n-Gabla,
for Ardachad,
for Feoraind,
for Findabair,
for Assi,
for Airne,
for Aurthuile,
for Druim Salaind,
for Druim Cáin,


for Druim Cáimthechta,
for Druim Mac n-Dega,
for Eo dond m-bec,
for Eo dond mór,
for Méide in togmaill,
for Méide ind eoin,
for Baile,
for Aile,
for Dall Scena,
for Ball Scena,


from Finnabair of Cualnge.
for Ros Mór,
for Scúaip,
for Timscúaib,
for Cend Ferna,
for Ammag,
for Fid Mór i Crannaig Cualngi,


for Druim Cáin i Sligid Midluachra.


Cetna uidi dochúatar na slóig, co faitar inn aidchi sin for Cúil Silinni. Ocus focress a phupall do Ailill mac Rosa inn aidchi sin, pupall Fergusa meic Roich dia láim deiss, Cormac Condlonges mac Conchobair for a lamide, Íth mac Étgáith for a lamide, Fiachu mac Firaba for a lamide, Gobnend mac Lurgnig for a lamide. Suidigud pupaill Ailella dia laim deiss ar in t-sluagud insin, ocus tricha cét fer n-Ulad dia láim insin. Ocus ba aire dobered tricha cét fer n-Ulad dia láim deiss, co m-bad facsiti in cocur & comrád & na hairigthi bíd & lenna doib-sium.


Medb Chruachan immorro do chlí Ailella, Findabair for a lamide, Flidais Foltchain, ben side Ailella Find arna feis la Fergus ar Táin bó Cúalnge, ocus issí no bered in sechtmad n-aidchi ingalad d'feraib hErend for in t-sluagad do lacht eter ríg & rígain & rigdomna & filid & foglaimthid.


Medb ba dedenach dona sluagaib in lá sain ic iarfaigid fessa & fastini & eolais, ar co fessed cia lasbad lesc & lasbad laind in sluagad do thecht. Ni arlacair Medb ara turnta a carpat nó ara scorthea a eich, co rálad cor di sin dunad.


Andsain ra díchurit eich Medba & ra turnait a carpait, & dessid ar laim Ailella meic Mata. Ocus confóchta Ailill scéla di Meidb [ar co fessed Medb], cia lasmad laind no nemlaind [no lasmad lesc] in slúagad. hEspach do neoch a thríall acht dond oen fialluch, ar Medb. Cia maith fogniat, in tan moltair sech cách, ar Ailill. Fail slug molta forro, ar Medb. Tráth ro gab cách dunad & longphort do denam, ro scáich doib-sium botha & bélscalain do denam. Tráth ro scáich ra cách botha & bélscalain (do denam), ro scáich dóib-sium urgnam bid & lenna. Tráth tarnaic do chach urgnom bíd & lenna, scaich doib-sium praind & tomailt. Trath ro scaich praind & tomailt, batar-som na cotlud andsaide.


Feib ra deligetar a n-daér & a mogaid de doeraib & mogadaib fer n-hErend, deligfit a n-degláich & a n-degóic do deglaichaib & de degócaib fer n-hErend in chur sa for in t-sluagad. Ferr-de linni sain, bar Ailill, dáig is lind imthiagat & is erund conbágfat. Anat i fos didiu, bar Ailill. Ni anfat, bar Medb. Cid dogenat didiu, bar Findabair, meni digset ammach & nad anat i fos. Bás & aided & airlech is accobor lem-sa dóib, bar Medb. Mairg atber ón omm, bar Ailill, ar abba dunad & longphort do gabáil dóib co hellom & co héscaid.


Dar fír ar cubais, ar Fergus, ní dingnea bás dóib-siút acht intí dogena bás dam-sa. Ni rim-sa is ráite duit-siu sain, a Ferguis, ar Medb, dáig itó-sa lín do gona & t'airlig co trichait cét Galian immut, dáig atat na secht Mani cona secht trichtaib cét & Meic Magach cona trichait cét & Ailill cona trichait cét & atúsa com thegluch no. Atam and sain lín do gona-su & t'airlig cot trichait cét Galian immut.


Ni comadas a rád frim-sa sain, ar Fergus, dáig atát lim-sa sund na secht n-airrig do Mumnechaib cona secht trichtaib cét. Failet sund tricha cét anas dech di ócaib Ulad, fail sund anas dech dagóc fer n-hErend trîcha cét Galian. Messi dana as chor & as glinni & trebairi friú, o thancatar o críchaib dilsib fadesin, & lim congébat sind ló baga sa.


Atá ní, ar Fergus, ni batecra ind fir sin, is inund ón & ni deceltar dam. Discáilfet-sa úaim in trichait cet Galian út fo firu hErend, conna bia coiciur díb i n-oenbale. Fó lim-sa ón, ar Medb, case chruth i m-bet acht nad bet sin cháir chomraic itát ammáin. Is andsain ra díscáil Fergus in trichait cet sain fo feraib hErend, nad bói coiciur díb i n-oenbaile.


Luid iarum assa aithli sin Fergus ria cách do eolas. Ocus tanic ell condailbi im Ultaib dó & dobretha cor n-imruill fothuaid & fodess dona sluagaib. Ocus urthatar techta úad corrobthaib do Ultaib. Ocus ro gab ic fostud & oc imfuiriuch in t-sluaig.


M: A Ferguis ca radem de,
cinnas conaire amse,
fordul fodess is fothúaid
berma dar cech n-aile thuaith.
F: A Medb cid not medra-su,
ni cosmail fri brath inso,
is for Ultu a ben tra
in tir darsa tiagusa.

M: Ardatt-ágadar co n-gail
Ailill án cona sluagaib,
ni tharddais menmain, comal n-gle,
fri imthus na comaire.

F: Ni for amlesaib in t-slúaig
ber-sa cach fordul ar n-úair,
dús inn imgabaind iar tain
Coinculaind mac Sualtaig.

M: Ecóir duit amles ar slúaig,
a Ferguis meic Rosa Ruaid,
mór de maith fuarais i fus
ar do lonhgais a Fergus.


Nad biu-sa resna sluagaib ní ba siriu, bar Fergus, acht iarra-su nech n-aill ríam [reman] rempo. Dessid Fergus riasna sluagaib arái.


Batar cethri ollchoicid hErend bar Cuil Silinni inn aidchi sin. Tanic gérmenma géribrach Conculaind do Fergus, ocus ra raid ra firu hErend fatchius do denam, daig das-ficfad in leom letarthach & in bráth bidbad & in bidba sochaide & in cend costuda & in cirriud mórshlúaig & in lám tidnaicthi & in chaindel adanta .i. Cuchulaind mac Sualtaig. Ocus ro boi ica thairngire samlaid & doringni in laid, & ro recair Medb:


F: Fó dúib fatchius ocus fót
co n-ilur arm ocus óc,
ticfa intí tagammar de,
morglonnach (mor) Murthemne.
M: Condalb sain, condelg n-ága,
duit-siu a meic Roig rodána,
óic ocus airm limm forlaind
do rithalim conculaind.

F: Rochatir a Medb don Maig
óic is airm don immargail
for cind marcaig Léith Mache
cach aidche is cach óen lathe.

M: Atat acum sund for leith
curaid ri cath is ri creich,
trícha cét di dhodnaib gíall
do láthaib gaile Galian.

Na curaid a Cruachain chain,
na laeich a Luachair lendglain,
cethri choicid Gaedel n-gel
dingebait dím in oenfer.

F: Buidnech Bairrche & Banna
con srenhgfa crú dar cranna,
con cicher ar múr is ar n-grian
in trícha sin fer Galian.

I n-athlaime na fandle,
illúais na gáithe gairbe,
is amlaid bís mo chú cháem chain
oc imguin ós analaib.

M: A Ferguis doroichet raind,
roiched úait do Choinchulaind,
rab é a thuachail beith na thost,
atetha a Cruachain crúadchosc.

F: Bid ferda fírfitir fuidb
i n-airiur ingine Buidb,
cú na cerda crithrib cró
snigfid fairne ferga fó.


A (h)aithle na láide sin: Tancatar cethri ollchoiceda hErend dar Móin Coltna sair in lá sain & damarallsatar dóib ocht fichtiu oss n-allta. Sernsat & immsit na slóig impu & ros gonsat conna batar élódaig díb. Acht atá ní: garbat discailtig tricha cet Galían, cóic aige in amáin ba hé cuit fer (nh-)hErend díb, ro das-fuc in t-oen tricha cet uli na hocht fichtiu oss.


Is hé in lá cetna tánic Cuchulaind mac Sualtaig & Sualtach Sídech a athair, con geltatar a n-eich geilt immon corrthe ic Ard Chuillend. Con geltat eich Sualtaig fri coirthi a túaid fér co húir, fogeltat eich Conculaind fri corthi aness fér co húir & connici na lecga lomma.


Maith a phopa Sualtaig, ar Cuchulaind, (atá) gérmenma in t-slóig form-sa, & urthaq-su dún corrobtha do Ultaib, ar nad bet ar maigib rédib, co n-digset n-hErend. Ocus tussu a daltáin, cid am gena dana. Am écen-sa tocht i n-herus inalta Feidilmthi Nóichruthaige fo dess co Temraig ram glinni fodessin co matin. Mairgg théit ón ám, ar Sualtach, & Ulaid do lecud fo chossaib annamat & a n-échtrand ar thecht i comdáil n'óenmná. Amm ecen-sa tra techt. Dáig meni digius, guigfitir dala fer & fírfaitir briathra ban.


Urtha Sualtach co robthaib do Ultaib. Luid Cuchulaind fon fid & tópacht and cétbunni darach d'oenbéim bun barr, & ro sniastar ar oenchois & ar oenláim & oensúil & doringni id de, & tuc ainm n-oguim na menuc inn eda & n-id co ranic remur in chorthe. Luid Cuchulaind na bandáil asa aithle sin.


Imthusa fer n-hErend imrater sund iar tain. Tancatar saide connici in corthe ic Árd Cullend, ocus gabsad oc fégad in chuicid aneóil uadib, cúicid Ulad. Ocus dias de muntir Medba no bid rempo dogres i tossuch cach dúnaid & cach sluagaid, cach átha & cach (ab)and & cach bernad ----- 'saire dognítsium sain, arna tisad diamrugud dia timthaigib na rígmac i n-eturturtugud na n-imchummung slúag na sochaide -----, .i. da mac Nera meic Nuatair meic Tacain, .i. da mac rechtairi na Cruachan, Err & Innell. Fráech & Fochnam anmand a n-arad.


Tancatar mathi hErend connici in corthi, & gabsat oc fégad ingelta ro geltsat na eich immon corthi, & gabsat oc fegad ind idi barbarda forácaib in rígnia immun corthi. Ocus gebid Ailill in n-id inna láim [in n-id], & atuc illiam Fergusa & airlegais Fergus in n-ainm n-ogaim bái na menuc ind eda & innisis Fergus d'feraib hErend inní ro chan in t-ainm ogaim bai sin menuc, & is amlaid ro gab ica innisin & doringni laid:


Id inso cid sluinnes dún,
in t-id cid immatá a rún,
is ca lín ra lád cose,
inn uathad no in sochaide.
Mad dia tistai secha innocht
can anad aice illongphort,
da-bar-ró in Cú cirres cach n-om,
táir foraib a sárugod.

Con tabair irchoit don t-slúag
mad dian bérthai uide uad,
finnaid a drúide andsain
cid imma n-dernad in t-id.

Crefnas curad cur ro la,
lán-aircess fri ecrata,
costud ruirech fer co n-dáil,
ras cuir oenfer dá oenláim.

Furopair fir ra feirg fúair
con na cerdda sin Chraebruaid,
iss naidm níad ninasc fir nir,
is é ainm fil isinn id.

Do chur chesta cetaib drend
for cethri coiceda hErend,
no con fetar-sa act mad sin
cid imma n-dernad in t-id.


Aithli na laide sin: Atbiur-sa mo brethir frib, ar Fergus, mad dia sárgid in n-id sin & in rignia doringni can aidchi n-dúnaid & longphuirt sund, na con derna fer úaib id a macsamla sút ar oenchois & óensuil & oenláim, feib doringni-sium, cid airchind bes-sum fó thalmain no i tig fó dúnud, conairgife guin & fuligud dúib ria tráth éirge immbarach, diana sárgid.


Ni hed-sain ba háil linni ém, ar Medb, nech d'fuligud no d'fordergad foirn ar tíchtain isin cóiced n-aneóil se .i. i cuiced Ulad. Alcu dún fuligud & fordergad for nech. Ni sariagum itir in n-id se, bar Ailill, & ní sáríagum in rignia dan-ringni, acht ragma im-munigin ind feda móir se tess co matin. Gebthar dunad & longphort acund and.


Lotar na slóig iarum & baslechtat rempu in fid dia claidbib riana carptib, conid Slechta comainm ind inaid sin beus, airm itaat Partraigi beca ra Cenannas na ríg an-iardess amne, bar Cuil Sibrilli.


Ferais tromsnechta dóib inn aidchi sin, & bái da mét co roiched co formnaib fer & co slessaib ech & co fertsib carpat, co m-batar clarenig uile coiceda hErend din t-snechtu. Acht ni ra sádit sosta no botha no pupla inn aidchi sin, ni dernad urgnam bíd no lenna, ni dernad praind no tomaltus. Ni fitir nech d'feraib hErend in cara fa náma ba nessam dó co solustráth éirge arnabárach.


Is comtig conna fuaratar fir hErend aidchi n-dunaid no longphuirt bad mó dód no doccair dóib ar inn aidchi seo bar Cuil Sibrilli. Tancatar cethri ollchóiceda hErend co moch arnabárach la turcbáil n-gréne dar taitnem in t-snechtai & lotar rempo assin chrích i n-araile.


Imthúsa Conculaind immorro, ni érracht saide mochthrád eter, co tormalt feiss & dithait, co foilc & co ro fothraic in lá sain. Radis fria araid, ar con ragbad in n-echrad & ar con indled in carpat. Gebis in t-ara in n-echraid & indlis in carpat, ocus luid Cuchulaind ina charpat. Ocus tancatar for slichtlorg in t-sluaíg. Fuaratar lorgfuilliucht fer n-hErend seccu assin chrích i n-araile.


Amae a phopa Laeig, ar Cuchulaind, ní ma lodmar dar m-bandáil arráir. Issed is lugu condric o neoch bís i cocrích, égim no iachtad no urfocra no a rád cia thic sin sligid, ní tharnic úan do rád. Lodatar fir hErend sechund i crích n-Ulad. Forairngert-sa duit-siu a Chuchulaind sain, ar Laeig, cia dochúadais it bandáil co ragad méla a macsamla fort. Maith a Laeig, eirgg dún for slichtlurg in t-slúaig & tabair airdmes forro, & finta dún ca lín dochuatar sechund fir hErend.


Tanic Laeg i slicht in t-slúaig & baluid dia lethagid in luirg, & tanic dia lettáib & luid adar a esi. Mesc for airm fort a mo phopa Láig, ar Cuchulaind. Is mesc écin, for Laeg. Tair isin carpat didiu, & dobér-sa ardmes forro. Tanic in t-ara sin carpat Luid Cuchulaind i slichtlurg in t-slúaig & dobretha airdmes forro. [Ocus tanic dia lettaéb & luid adar éssi]. Is mesc for árim fort a Chucuc, bar Laeg. Ni mesc, bar Cuchuhlaind, daig forfetar-sa in lín dochuatar sechund na sluáig, .i. ocht trichait chet déc, & ra fodlad dana in t-ochtmad tricha chét déc fo firu hErend.


Ra bátar tra ilbuada ilarda imda for Coinculaind: buaid crotha, buaid delba, buaid n-denma, buaid snáma, buaid marcachais, buaid fidchilli & branduib, buaid catha, buaid comraic, buaid comluind, buaid farcsena, buaid n-urlabra, buaid comairle, buaid foraim, buaid m-banaig, buaid crichi a crích comaithig.


Maith a mo phopa Láig, [innill dún in carpat &] saig brot dun ar in n-echraid. Cuindscle dún in carpat & tabair do chlár clé frisna sluagu dús in tarsimmís tossach nó deired nó medón dona sluagaib, dáig ni bam béo meni thaeth cara nó náma limm d'feraib hErend innocht.


'Sand saigthis in t-ara brot for in n-echraid. Dobretha a chlár cle frisna sluagaib, co tarlaic i Taurloch Caille móre fri Cnogba narríg atúaid frisi rater Áth n-Gabla. Luid Cúchulaind fon fid andsain & tarmlaing asa charput & topacht gabail cethri m-bend bun barr d'oenbéim. Ros fuacha & ros fallsce & dobreth ainm n-oguim na taeb & dobretha roth n-urchair di a iarthur a charpait do ind a oenláime, co n-dechaid da trian i talmain, connach bói acht oentrían uasa.


Is andsin tarthatar in da gilla chétna, .i. da mac Nera meic Uatair meic Tacáin é, icond auropair sin. Ocus ba tetarrachtain dóib, cia díb no bérad a chétguine fair & no benfad a chend de artús. Impádar Cúchulaind friu & topacht a cethri cinnu dib colléic & tuc cend cech fir díb ar a beind do bennaib na gabla.


Ocus leicis Cúchulaind eocho in fiallaig sin i n-agid fer n-hErend i frithdruing na sliged cetna & a n-ésse airslaicthi & a meide forderga & cuirp na curad ic tindsaitin a fola sell sís for crettaib na carpat. Dáig ni bá miad nó ni ba maiss leiss echrad nó fuidb nó airm do brith ona corpaib no marbaib. Atchondcatar na sluaig dana eich ind fiallaig batar ríam [remán] rempu & na cuirp i n-ecmais a cend & cuirp na curad ic tindsaitin a fola sell sís for crettaib na carpat. Anais tossach in t-sluaig fria deired, & focuirethar in artbe cumma & in armgrith uile.


Doroacht Medb & Fergus & na Mane & Meic Magach. Daig ar bith is amlaid no imthiged Medb & nói carpait fóthi a oenur, dá charpat rempe dí & da charpat na diaid & da charpat cechtar a da taeb & (a) carpat eturru ar medon cadessin. Is aire fogníd Medb sin, ar na ristais fótbaige a cruib graig, nó uanfad a glomraib srían nó dendgur mórsluaig nó morbuiden [ar na tisad diamrugud] don mind óir na rígna.


Cid inso, for Medb. Ni ansa, ar cach, eich ind fiallaig ro bátar rím remán sund, & a cuirp ina carptib i n-écmais a cend. Ra cruthaiged comairle occu & ba demin leo combad slicht sochaide sut & gomba tadall mórslúaig & gondat Ulaid ar-das-tánic, & ba sed a comairle ra cruthaiged leo: Cormac Condlonges mac Conchobair do lecud uadib, & da fiss cid bái sind áth, ar bith cia no betis Ulaid and ní gonfaitis mac arríg dílis fodessin.


Tanic assa aithli Cormac Condlonges mac Conchobair, & bá sed a lín tanic, deich cét ar fichit cheét fer n-armach, dia fis cid bái issind áth, & a ránic ní facca ní act in n-gabail ar lár ind átha co cethri cennaib forri ic tinnsaitin a fola sell sís fri creitt na gabla i sruthair na haband, ocus glethe (.i. slicht) na da ech & fuilliucht ind óenchárptig & slicht inn oenláich assind áth sair sechtair. Tancatar mathi hErend connici in n-ath & gabsat oc fégad na gabla uili. Ba machtad & ba ingnad leo cia ro chuir in coscur.


Ca ainm ind átha sa acaib-si gus trath sa a Ferguis, ar Ailill. Ath n-Grena, bar Fergus, & bid Áth n-Gabla a ainm co bráth din gabuil se i fect sa, ar Fergus, ocus ra raid in laid:


Áth n-Grena claimchlaifid ainm
do gním chon ruanaid rogairb
fail sund gabuil cethri mh-bend
do cheist for feraib hErend.
Fai ar da m-beind mana n-áig
cend Fraéch & cend Fochnáim
fail araile ar da m-beind
cend Eirre & cend Innill.

Gá ogum sút ina taeb,
finnaid a druide co n-aéb,
is cia dorat inti sain,
giá lin ros cland i talmain.

In gabul út co n-gráin guiss
atchi-siu sund a F ros tesc oenfer ar mochin
de bulli chrichid chlaidib.

Ros fúach is ras fuc fria aiss,
gided ni hengnam imthaiss,
is dass-arlaic sís ar sain
da gait d'fir uaib-si as talmain.

Ath n-Grena a ainm mad cose,
méraid ra cách a chumne,
bid Ath n-Gabla a ainm co bráth
din gabail atchi sind áth.


Aithli na laidi: Machdath & ingnad lim-sa a Ferguis, bar Ailill, cia no thescfad in n-gabail & bífed in cethrur búi remoind i traiti se. Ba córu machtad & inhgantus dontí ro tesc in nh-gabail atchí d'óenbéim bun barr, ros fuach & ros faillsce, & tarlaic rofut n-urchair dia íarthur a charpait d'ind a óenlaime, co n-dechaid dar a da trían i talmain, connach fil acht a óentrían uasom, & nach class cona chlaideb rempe, acht is tria glaslec clochi co n-indsmad, & conid geiss d'feraib hErend techt do lár ind atha sa, na co tuca nech díb hí anís do indla oenláime, feib dos-farlaic-sium sís ó chianaib.


Is dár sluagaib duit-siu a Ferguis, ar Medb, & tabair in n-gabail dún do lár ind átha. Dom-roched carpat, ar Fergus. Ocus dobretha carpat do Fergus, ocus dobretha Fergus frosse forsin n-gabail & doringni minbruan & minscomart din charput. Dom-roiched carpat, ar Fergus. Dobretha carpat do Fergus, ocus dobretha Fergus feirtche forsin n-gabail & doringni briscbruan & minscomartach din charput. Dom-roched carpat, ar Fergus. Ocus dobretha Fergus nertad forsin nh-gabail & dorinhgni briscbruan & minscomart din charput.


Airm i m-bátar na secht carpait déc do charptib Connacht, doringni Fergus díb uile briscbruan & minscomart & ní chaemnaic in n-gabail do gait do lár ind átha. Ale leic ass a Ferguis, ar Medb, na bris dúin cairptiu ar túath ní as siriu. Dáig ar bith meni bethe ar in t-sluagud sa a chur sa, doraismis Ultu co n-airnelaib braiti & bóthánti lind. Ra fetamarni aní dia n-denai-siu sain, d'fostud & d'immfuiriuch in t-slúaig, co n-érsat Ulaid assa cess & co tucat cath dun, cath na tána.


Dom-roiched crim carpat, ar Fergus. Ocus dobretha a charpat fadessin do Fergus, ocus dobretha Fergus tepe forsin n-gabail, & ni ro gnuisistar & ni ro gesistar roth nó fonnud nó fertas d'fertsib in charpait. Cia bai dia chalmacht & dia churatacht dos-farlaic intí dos-farlaic sís, bái dia nertmaire & dá óclachas das-fucastar in cathmilid & in chliathbern chét & (in t-) ord essorgni & in brathlecc bidbad & in cend costuda & in bidba sochaide & in cirriud morslúaig & in chaindel adantai & in toisech morchatha.


Dos-fuc anís do ind a oenláime co ránic aidlend a gualand, & dobretha in n-gabail illáim Ailella. Ocus tincais Ailill furri .i. nos fégand. Crichiditi lim-sa in gabul, ar Ailill, daig is oentescad atchíusa bun barr furri. Crichiditi omm, bar Fergus. Ocus ro gab Fergus ar admolad & dobretha laid furri:


Atá sund in gabul gluair
co arabi Cúchulaind chrúaid,
gá farcgaib ar ulc ri nech
cethri cinnu comaithech.
Is derb ní theichted úadi
ria n-oenfer calma cruadi,
gia ras facaib cú gan chess,
arthá crá ma chaladchness.

Mairg ragas in sluagad sair
ar cend Duind Cuailnge chruadaig,
betit curaid arna raind
fa neim claidib Conculaind.

Ní ba hascid a tharb trén
mo am-bia comrac arm n-gér,
ar crád chloicgne cach cind
gol cach aicmi i n-hErind.

Nuchum tha ní radim de
im dala meicc Deictire,
con cechlafat fir is mná
din gabuil-sea mar atá.


Aithli na laidi sin: Saditer sosta & pupaill lind, ar Ailill (no Fergus), & dentar urgnam bid & lenna lind & cantar ceoil & airfiti lind, & (dentar) praind & tomaltus, daig is comtig ara fagbaitis fir hErend ríam no iarom aidchi n-dunaid no longphoirt mad mó dód no doccair dóib andás ind aidchi se arráir. Ra sádit a sosta & ra suidigit a pupla. Darónad urgnam bíd & lenna leo, ocus ra canait ceóil & airfiti leo, & darónad praind & tomaltus.


Ocus ra iarfacht Ailill do Fergus: Is machtad & iss ingantus lim, cia ticfadt cucaind co hor críchi & no bífed in cethrur búi remaind i traiti se. In dóig inar, tísed Conchobar mac Fachtna Fathaig ardrí Ulad. Nad dóig ém, ar Fergus, dáig líach a écnach na écmais. Ní fil ní nad gellfad dar cend a enig, dáig da m-bad é sin tísad and, ticfaitis sluaig & sochaide & forgla fer n-hErend filet maroen ris, & gia da betis for a cind i n-oenbaile & i n-oendáil & i n-oentochim & i n-oenlongphort & i n-oentulaig fir hErend & Alban, Bretain & Saxain, cath doberad dóib, reme no maissed, & ní fair no ráinfithé.


Ceist didiu cia bad dóig diar tiachtain. Dóig innar tised Cúscraid Mend Machae mac Conchobair o Inis Cuscraid. Nir dóig, ar Fergus, mac ind ardrí. Ni fil ni nad gellfad dar cend a enig, daig da m-bad é no thiasad and, ticfaitis meic ríg & rigthuisech failet maróen riss ic reicc a n-amsa, & gana betís ar a cind i n-óenbaile & i n-oendáil & i n-oentochim & i n-oenlongphort & i n-oentulaig fir hErend & fir Alban, Bretain & Saxain, cath dobérad dóib, reime no maidsed, & ni fair ro rainfide.


Ceist didiu inar tisad Eogan mac Durthachta rí Fernmaige. Nar dóig omm, ár dia m-bad é sin tisad and, ticfaitis fosta fer Fernmaige leiss, & catht dobérad dóib, reme no maissed, & ní fair no ráinfithe.


Ceist didiu cia bad dóig dar tíchtain. Dóig arnar tísad Celtchair mac Uthechair. Nar dóig omm. Liach a écnach na eécmais, brathlecc bidbad in choicid & cend a costuda uili, & comla chatha Ulad, & gana betís for a chind i noenbaile & i n-oendáil & i n-oentochim & i n-oenlongphort & i n-oentulaig [&] fir hErend uile o iarthur co airthiur, o desciurt co tuascert, cath dobérad dóib, reme no maidsed, & ni fair no ráinfide.


Ceist didiu cia bad dóig diar tiachtain. Inge ém meni thised in gilla bec mo delta sa & delta Conchobair, Cu Chulaind na cerdda atberar friss.


Ia omm ale, bar Ailill. Atchuala lib in mac m-bec sain fecht n-aill i Cruachain. Ced ón cinnas a aesa-sum in meic bic sin innossa. Ni hí a aés is dulgium dó eter, ar Fergus. Daig ba ferda a gníma in meic sin inbaid ba só andaás in inbaid inan fail.


Ced ón, ar Medb, in fail cid d'Ultaib innossa comlonnaid a aesa is duilgium andá-sum. Ni airgem and fál bad fuilchuiriu, no láth bad luinniu, no comlannaid a aesa ra seised co trian no go cethramad comluind Conculaind. Ni airge and, ar Fergus, caur a chomluind no ord essorgni no bráth for borrbuidni no combág urgaile basad inraicciu andá Cuchulaind.


Ni airge and con messed a aés & a ás & a forbairt & a ánius & a urfúath & a urlabra, a chrúas & a chless & a gasced, a forom & a amus & a ammsigi, a brath & a buadri & a buadirsi, a deini & a dechrad & a tharpige & a díanchoscur co cliss nónbair ar cach find úasu mar Choinculaind.


Ni denam robríg de, ar Medb, i n-oenchurp ata, imgeib guin immo-amgeib gabáil. Is aes ingini macdacht ármthir leis, ocus ni géba fri feta in serrite óc amulchach atberthe. Ni focclam-ne ón, ar Fergus, daig ba ferda a gníma in meicc sin inbaid bad sóó andas inbaid inad fail.


"Dáig alta in mac sin i tig a athar & a mathar icon airdig i m-Maig Muirthemne, ocus adfeta dó scéla na maccaemi i n-Emain. Dáig is amlaid domeill Conchobar in rigi, o ro gab rígi in rí, .i. mar atraig fóchetóir césta & cangni in choicid d'ordugud. In lá do raind i trí asa athlil: cetna trian de fóchetóir ic fegad na maccaem ic imbirt chless cluchi & immanae, in trian tanaise dond ló ic imbirt brandub & fidchell, & in trian dedenach ic tochathim bíd & lenna, con-dageib cotlud for cách, aes cíuil & airfitid dia thalgud fri sodain. Ciataim ane ar longais riam reme dabiur bréthir, ar Fergus, na fuil in hErind no i n-Albain óclach macsamla Conchobair.


Ocus adfeta don mac sin scéla na maceáem & na maccraide i n-Emain, & radis in mac bec ria mathair ar co n-digsed dá chluchi do chluchemaig na Emna. Romoch duitsiu sain a meic bic, ar a mathair, co n-deoch anruth do anrothaib. Ulad lett no choimthecht ecin do chaimthechtaib Conchobair, do chor th' aesma & t'imdegla for in maccraid. Cían lim-sa di sodain a mathair, ar in mac bec, & ni biu-sa oca idnaide acht tecoisc-siu dam-sa cia airm itá Emain. Is cían uait, ar a mathair, airm in-das-fil. Sliab Fúait etrut & Emain. Dobér-sa ardmes furri amne, ar esium.


Luid in mac remi & gebid a adbena ániusa. Gebid a chammán creduma & a liathroit n-argdide & gebid a chlettini diburgthi & gebid a bunsaig m-báisi m-bunloscthi & fogab ic athgardigud a sliged díb. Dobered béim din chammán da liathróit, co m-bered band fota úad. No teilg dana a chammán arís d'athbéim, cona berad ni ba lugu anda in cetband. No thelged a chlettini & no sneded a bunsaig & no bered rith báise na n-diaid. No gebed dana a chammán & no geibed a liathróit & no geibed a chlettine, & ní roiched bun a bunsaige lár, trath co n-gebed a barr etarla etarbuas.


Luid reme co forodmag na hEmna, airm i m-bátar in maccrad. Tri coicait maccaem im Folloman mac Conchobair ic a clessaib for faidche na Emna. Luid in mac bec issin cluchimag etorru ar medón, & ecrais cid in liathróit in dib cossaib uadib & nis arlaic sech ard a glúne súas & nis arlaic sech a adbrond sis, & ris eturturthig & ros comdluthaig in dib cossaib, & ni rocht nech dib bir no bulle no béim no fargum furri, ocus ros fuc dar brúach m-baire uadib.


Nad fegat uili in oenfecht amaide. Ba machtad & ba ingantus leo. Maith a maccu, ar Folloman mac Conchobair, no-bar-beraid uili fóe sút, & táet a bás lim, daig is geiss dúib maccaém do thichtain in far cluchi can chur a faisma foraib, & no-bar-beraid uile fóe inn oenfecht, ar ro fetammar is do maccaib anroth Ulad sút, & na dernat bés tuidecht in far cluchi can chur a fáisma foraib no a commairge.


Is andsin ros bertsat uile fóe in oenfecht. Tarlaicset a tri cóictu camman ar ammus a chendmullaig in meicc. Turcbaid-sium a oenluirg n-ániusa & dícuris na trí coicait lorg. Tarlacait dana na trí cóicait liathróiti ar ammus in meic bic. Turcbaid-sium a dóti & a rigthi & a dernanna & dichuris na trí cóictu líathroiti. Tarlacit dó na trí coicait bunsach báisi bunloscthi. Turcbais in mac a scethini slissen & dichuris na trí coicait bunsach. Is andsain imsái-sium fothib-sium.


Scarais coica rígmac im thalmain díb foe. Luid coiciur díb, ar Fergus, etrum-sa is Chonchobar sin magin i m-bammar ic imbirt fidchilli, .i. na cendchaeme, for forodmaig na hEmna. Luid in mac bec na n-díaid dia[n] n-imdibe.


Gebid Conchobar a ríglama in meic bic. Ale atchíu ni fóil amberai-siu a meic bic in maccrad. Fail a mór dam-sa, ar in mac bec. Ni fuarusa fiad n-óiged, ga thanac a tírib imciana, ican maccraid iar torachtain. Ced són, cia tussu, for Conchobar. Setanta bec missi mac Sualdaim, mac-sa Dechtiri do derbsethar-su, & ni lat-su fo doíg lim-sa mo chrád d'fagbáil samlaid. Ced ón a meic bic, for Conchobar, nad fetar armirt fil do macraid, conid geiss dóib mac dar tír cuccu can chur a faisma furro. Ni fetar, bar in mac bec. Dia fessaind, con beind na fatchius. Maith a maccu, bar Conchobar, geibid foraib faisam in meic bic. Ataimem omm bar siat.


Luid in mac bec for fáisam na maccraidi. Sand-sain scailset láma de-sium, & amsói fothu arís. Scarais coica rígmac i talmain díb foe. Fá dóig la n-athrechaib is bás dobretha dóib. Ní ba sed ón, acht uathbas bretha impaib do thulbemmennaib & muadbemmennaib & fotalbemmennaib móra. Aile, for Conchobar, cid atái dóib sin béus. Dothongu-sa mo dee dia n-adraim, co n-digset-som uili ar m'o(e)samsa & ar m'imdegail, feib dochuadusa ar a faesam sun & ar a n-imdegail, conna get-sa láma dib, conas-tarddur uile fo thalmain. Maith a meic bic, geib-siu fort faesam na maccraide. Ataimim omm, ar in mac bec. And-sain dochuatar in maccrad for a faesam & for a imdegail.


Mac bec doringni in gním sain, ar Fergus, i cind chóic m-bliadan iar n-a brith, co ro scart maccu na curad & na cathmiled ar dorus allis & a n-dúnaid fadessin, nocorb éicen machta no ingantus de, cia no thísed co hor cocrichi, gana thescad gabail cethri m-bend, gana marbad fer no dís no triur no cethrur, in am i n-dat slána secht m-bliadna déc de for tain bó Cualnge.

Is and-sin atubairt Cormac Conlongas mac Conchobair. Doringni in mac bec sin gním tanaise sin bliadain ar cind doridisi. Cia so gním, bar Ailill.


Culand cerd búi i crích Ulad, ro urgnastar fleidt do Conchobar & dochuaid dá thocuriud co Emain. Radis friss, ara tísed uathad leis, meni thucad fíraigid leiss, ár nach crích no ferand bái aice acht a uird & a indeona & a duirn & a thendchore. Atbert Conchobar, con ticfad uathad a dóchum.


Tanic Culand connice a dún reme do frestul & frithalim lenna & bíd. Dessid Conchobar i n-Emain cor bo amm scailti, co tanic deired dond ló. Gebid in rí a fiallgud n-imétrom n-imthechta immi, & luid do chelebrad don maccraid. Luid Conchobar ar in faidchi , co n-acca ní ba ingnad leiss: tri cóicait mac sindara china dind faichthi & oenmac bar in chind aile di, dobered in t-oenmac búaid m-báire & immana ona tri cóictaib maccaem. Trath ba cluchi puill doib. Cluichi puill fognithi for faichthi na Emna. Ocus trath ba leo-som diburgun & ba lesium imdegail, co n-geibed na tri cóicait liathróit fri poll immuich, & ni roiched ní secha sin poll. Tráth ba leo-som imdégail & ba léisium diburgun, no chuired na trí cóicait liathróit sin poll can imroll. Trath fo imtharrunhg n-étaig doib, no benad-som a trí choicait nh-dechelt díb, & ní chumgaitis uili a delg do béim assa brut-som. Trath ba imtrascrad doib, con cured-som na trí coicait cétna i talmain fói, & ni roichtisium uili immisium lín a urgabala.


Arropart Conchobar ic forcsin in meic bic: Amae a ócu, bar Conchobar, mochin tír asa tánic in mac bec atchíd, da m-betis na gníma óclachais aice, feib atát na macgníma. Ni comdas a rád, ar Fergus, feib atré in mac bec, atresat a gníma óclachais leis. Congarar in mac bec dún, co n-dig lind do ól na fledi dia tiagam. Conágart in mac bec do Conchobar. Maith a meic bic, ar Conchobar, tair-siu linni d'ól na fledi dia tiagum. Ni rag omm, bar in mac bec. Ced són, bar Conchobar. Ar ni doethanaig in maccrad do chlessaib cluchi no ániusa, & ni rag-sa uadib corbat dóithanaig cluchi. Is cían dúni beith acot irnaidi rísin a meic bic, & ni con biam itir. Tait-si round, ar in mac bec, ocus rag-sa far n-diaid. Ni dat eolach eter a meic bic, bar Conchobar. Geb-sa slichtlorg in t-sluaig & na n-ech & na carpat.


Ocus tanic Conchobar iarsin co tech Culaind cerdda. Ro fritháiled in rí & ro fiadaiged ar grádaib & dánaib & dligedaib & uaslect & cáinbesaib. Ro hecrait áine & urluaechair fóthu. Gabsat for ól & for aibnius. Ro iarfacht Culand do Chonchobar: Maith a rí, in ra dális nech innocht itiaid don dun sa. Ní ra dalius omm, bar Conchobar. Dáig ni ba cuman dó in mac bec dalastar na diaid. Cid són, bar Conchobar. Árchú maith fil ocom, á fuaslaicthir a chonarach de, ni laimthe nech tasciud do oentrichait chét fris do (chur) firchuardda no imdhechta, & ni aichne nech acht missi fodessin. Feidm cet and do nirt.


Andsin atbert Conchobar: Oslaicther dún dond archoin, co ro imdegla in trichait cét. Ra fuaslaiced dind archoin a chonarach, & fochuir luathchuaird in trichait cét. Ocus tanic cornice in forud i m-bíd ic comét na cathrach, & bái and-sain & a chend ar a mácaib, & ba borb barbarda bruthmar bachlachda mucna matnamail cach bái andsain.


Imthúsa na maccraide batar i n-Emain, cor bo amm scailti dóib. Luid cách díb da thig a athar & a mathar, a mumme & a aite. Luid dana in mac bec i slichtlurg na slúag, co ranic tech Culaind cerda. Gab icc athgarddigud na sliged reme da adbenaib ániusa. O ranic co faidche in dunaid i m-bái Culand & Conchobar, focheird a adbena uile riam acht a liathroit nammá.


Rathaigidl in t-archu in mac m-bec, ocus glomais fair, co clos fosnaib tuathaib uili gloimm inn archon. Ocus ni raind fri fés ba háil dó acht a slucud in oenfecht dar compur a chléib & dar farsiung a bragat & dar loing a ochta. Ocus ní bái lasin mac cóir n-imdegla reme acht focheird rout n-urchair din liathróit, conastarla dar gincráes a bragat dond archoin, con ruc a m-bói di fobaig inathair and dar iarcomlai, & gebis i(n) dib cossaib é & tuc béim de immun corthe, co tarla na gabtib rointi im thalmain.


Atchuala Conchobar gloimm inn archon. Amae a ócu, bar Conchobar, ní matancamar d'ól na fledi se. Cid són, bar cách. In gilla bec ra dál im diaid, mac mo sethar, Setanta mac Sualtaim, dorochair lasin coin. Atragatar inn oenfecht uli Ulaid ollbladacha. Ciar bo oebela oslaicthi dorus na cathrach, dochuaid cách na irchomair dar sond abdain in dunaid immach. Cid ellom condranic cách, luathium con arnic Fergus, & gebis in mac m-bec do lár thalman fri aidleind a gualand & dobretha i fiadnaisi Conchobair.


Ocus tanic Culand immach & atchondairc a archoin na gabtib rointi. Ba béim cride fri cliab leis. Dochuaid innund isin dún asa aithle. Mochen do thíchtu a meic bic, bar Culand, ar bith do mathar & t'athar, & ni mochen do thictu fort féin. Cid tai-siu don mac, ar Conchobar. Ní matanac-su dam-sa do chostud mo lenna & do chathim mo bíd, dáig is maith immudu i fecht sa mo maith-se & is bethu immuig mo bethu. Maith in fer muntiri rucais úaim, con cométad éite & alma & indili dam.


Nad bad lond-so etir a mo phopa Culand, ar in mac bec, dáig berat-sa a firbreth sin. Ca breth no bertha-su fair a meic, for Conchobar. Matá culén do síl in chon út in hErind, ailebthair lim-sa, go rop inengnama mar a athair. Bam cú-sa imdegla a almai & a indili & a feraind inn ed sam.


Maith rucais do breth a meic bic, for Conchobar. Nís bermáis ém, ar Cathbath, ní bad ferr. Cid arnach Cú Chulaind bias fort-su de suidiu. Ni thó, bar in mac bec. Ferr lim mo ainm fodéin, Setanta mac Sualtaim. Nad raid-siu sin a meic bic, ar Cathbath, daig con cechlabat fir hErend & Alban inn ainm sin, & bat lana beóil fer n-hErend & Alban din anmum sin. Fó limm didiu, cid sed bess form, ar in mac bec. Conid de sodain ro lil in t-ainm aurdairc fair, .i. Cuchulaind, o ro marb in coin bói ic Culaind cherd.


Mac bec doringni in gním sin, ar Cormac Condlongas mac Conchobair, i cind se m-bliadan arna brith, ro marb in n-archoin na laimtís slúaig no sochaide tascud i n-oen trichait cét fris, nirb écen machtad no ingantus de, gana thised co hor cocríchi, gia no tescad gabul cethri m-bend, ga no marbad fer no dís no triur no chethrur, in am inat slána secht mh-bliadna déc de for táin bó Cúalnge.

Doringni in mac bec in tres gním isin bliadain ar cind dorís, ar Fiachu mac Firaba. Ga gním doringni, bar Ailill.


Cathbad drúi búi oc tabairt da daltaib fri hEmain anairtúaith, & ocht n-dalta do aes in dána druidechta na farrad. Iarfacht dia aiti, cia so sén & solud búi for in ló i m-bátar, in ba maith fá in ba saich. And atbert Cathbad, mac bec con gebad gasced bad án & ra bad irdairc, ra bad duthain & dimbúan.


Ra chúala-som aní sin & sé fria chlessaib chluchi fri hEmain aniardes, & focheird a adbena ániusa uli úad & dochuaid i cotultech Conchobair. Cach maith duit a rí fene, bar in mac bec. Aithesc dana cungeda neich o neoch in t-athesc sain. Cid connaige a meic bic, ar Conchobar. Airm do gabail, ar in mac bec. Cia dot-recoisc a meic bic, bar, Conchobar. Cathbad drúi, ar in mac bec. Nit merad-su (.i. nít mairnfed) sain a meic bic, ar Conchobar.


Tobert Conchobar da sleig & claideb & scíath dó. Bocgais & bertnaigis in mac bec na harmu, (co n-derna) minbruan & minscomairt díb. Tuc Conchobar dá sleig aile dó & sciath & claideb. Bocais & bertnaigis, crothais & certaigis, co n-derna minbruan & minscomairt. Airm i m-batar na cethri airm déc batar ic Conchobur i n-Emain ic frithalim na maccaém & na maccraide, ciped mac díb no gabad gasced, co m-bad Conchobar doberad trelam fuaparta dó, buaid n-engnama leis assa aithle, cid trá doringni in mac bec sin minbruan & minscomairt dib uili.


Ni maith ám and na airm se a mo phopa Conchobair, ar in mac bec. Ni thic mo dingbail-se di sodain. Tuc Conchobar a da sleig fodessin & a sciath & a chlaideb dó. Bocais & bertnaigis, crothais & certaigis, co n-arnic a fográin aice fri a n-irlaind, & ni ras-robrís na harmu, & ros fulgetar dó. Maithi na hairm se omm, bar in mac bec, is é so mo chomadas. Mochin in rí asa gasced & trelam so. Mochin tír asa tánic.


Sandsin tanic Cathbad drúi sin pupull & atbert: Airm cone-gab sút, ar Cathbad. Sed écin omm, bar Conchobar. Ni do mac do mathar bad áil dam a n-gabáil sind ló sa, ar Cathbad. Cid són, nach tussu darrecoisc, ar Conchobar. Nad me omm, bar Cathbad. Cid la a siriti síabairthi, ar Conchobar, in bréc dobertais immund. Na badat lond-su immorro ammo phopa Conchobair, ar in mac bec, dáig ar bith is esium dom-recuisc-se arái, ár iarfoacht a dalta dó, cia so sén bái for in ló, & atbert-som, mac bec no gébad gasced and, bad án & bad urdairc, baduthain & dimbuán immorro. Fír dam-sa ón, bar Cathbad, bat ánsu & bat urdairc, baduthain & dimbuán. Amra bríg can co ra bur acht oenlá & oenadaig ar bith, acht co marat m'airscéla & m'imthechta dimm esi. Maith a meic bic, airg i carpat, ar issed na cétna dait.


Dothaet i carpat. Ocus in cetna carpat i tánic beus dana, bocais & bertnaigis imme, co n-derna minbruan & minscomairt de. Luid issin carpat tanaise, co n-derna minbruan & minscomairt de fon cumma cetna. Doringni minbruar don trescarpat beus. Airm i m-batar na sect carpait déc batar oc frithalim na maccraide & na maccaem ic Conchobur i n-Emain, doringni in mac bec minbruan & minscomairt díb uile, & ni ro fulngetar dó. Nit maithe and na carpait so a phopa Chonchobair, ar in mac bec. Ni thaet mo dingbail-se dib-so.


Cia airm ita Ibar mac Riangabra, ar Conchobar. Sund ém, ar Ibar. Geib lat mo da ech féin sút' & inill mo charpat. Gebid iarum in t-ara in n-echraid & indliss in carpat. Luid in mac bec sin carpat iarum. Bocais in carpat imme & ro fulngestar dó & ní ro briss. Maith in carpat sa omm, ar in mac bec, & iss ed and-so mo charpat comadas.


Tancatar fothrí timchull na Emna. Léic na eocho ar férgeilt ifectsa a meic bic, ar Ibar. Romoch sin beus a Ibair, ar in mac bec. Tair round ar co m-bennachat in maccrad dam-sa, indiu mo chétla do gabail arm. Lotar rempu don magin i m-bátar in maccrad. Airm co n-gab sút, ar cách. Sed écin són. Rob do búaid & cétguine & choscur sin, acht ba romoch lind co n-gabais armu, fobíth do deligthi ruind oc na clessaib cluchi. Ni scér-sa frib-si etir, acht do seon co n-gabsa armu indiu.


Léic a meic bic na eocho ar fergeilt ifectsa, ar Ibar. Romoch sin beus a Ibair, bar in mac bec Ocus in t-sligi mór sa imthéit sechond gia leth imthéit, ar in mac bec. Cid tai-siu di, ar Ibar. Aile it fer saignéch-su atchiu a meic bic, bar Ibar. Maith lim a maccain primsligeda in choicid d'iarfaigid, cia airet imthéit. Téit co Áth na Foraire i Sleib Fúait, ar Ibar. Cid ma n-apar Áth na Foraire fris, in fetar-su.


Ra fetar-sa omm, bar Ibar. Daglaech de Ultaib bís ic foraire & ic forcomét and ar na tíset óic no echtranna i n-Ultu do fuacra comraic forru, co rop é in laech conairr comrac dar cend in choicid uli. Da n-dig dana aés dána fo dímaig a Ultaib & assin choiciud, co rop é conairr séta & máine dar cend aenig in choicid dóib. Da tí dana aes dána sin crích, co rop é in fer bas chommairge dóib corrosset colbo Conchobair, co rop siat a duana sain & a dréchta gabtair ar tús i n-Emain ar richtain. In fetar-su cia fil icond áth sain indiu. Ro fetar omm, bar Ibar, Conall Cernach curata comramach mac Amargin rí-laech hErend, bar Ibar.To rouind duit-siu a maccáin, ar con rísem in n-áth.


Lotar rempu co dreich inn atha i m-bái Conall. Airm co n-gab sút, ar Conall. Sed écin, bar Ibar. Rop da buaid & choscur & cetguine sin, ar Conall, acht bad romoch lind ra gabais armu, daig ar bith nít ingnima-su beus. Da m-bad chommairgi ricfad a less intí ticfad sund, ar biadat slanchommairgi-siu bar Ultaib, uli n-óg, & atrestáis mathi in choicid rit báig. Cid dogní andsin, a phopa Chonaill, ar in mac bec. Foraire & forcomét in choicid sund a meic bic, bar Conall.


Eirgg-siu dot tig ifechtsa a phopa Chonaill, ar in mac bec, & no léicfe dam-sa foraire & forcomét in choicid do denam sund. Ni thó a meic bic, ar Conall. Ni dat tualaing comrac ri deglaéch cose. Ragat-sa sechum fo des didiu, ar in mac bec, co Fertais Locha Echtrand colléic, dús in fagbaind mo lama do fuligud for carait no namait indiu. Rag-sa a meic bic, ar Conall, dot imdegail, ar na tiasair th'oenur in cocrích. Ni thó, ar in mac bec. Rachat omm, bar Conall, dáig benfait Ulaid form do lecud th'oenur sin cocrích.


Gabtair a eich do Chonall & ro indled a charpat. Ocus dochuaid d'imdegail in meic bic. O ra siacht Conall ard fri aird fris, demin leis, gia no thachrad écht dó, na lécfad Conall dó a denam. Gebid lamchloich do lár thalman dar bo lán a glacc. Focheird rout n-urchoir uad ar ammus cungi carpait Conaill, co ro bris cuing in charpait ar dó, co torchair Conall tríít go talmain, co n-dechaid a maél asa gualaind. Cid and-so a meic, ar Conall. Messi tarlaic dia fis dús in dí-riuch m'urchor no cinnas dibairgim etir no amm-adbar gascedaig atam-chomnaic. Neim ar th'urchur & neim fort féin. Cid do chend facba lat namtiu ifesta, ni con tias dot imdegail ní ba siriu. Sed sin conattecht-sa foraib, ar esium. Dáig is geis dúib in far n-Ultaib techt dar éclind in far carptaib. Tanic Conall fo thúaid arís co Áth na Foraire ar culu.


Imthúsa in meic bic dochuaid se fo des co Fertais Locha Echtrand. Bái and co tanic deired dond ló. Da laimmais a rád frit a meic bic, ar Ibar, ro pa mithig lind techt co hEmain ifechtsa, dáig ro gabad dáil & raind & fodail i n-Emain a chianaib, & fail inad urdalta lat-su and di cach lou rod-icfa bith etir da choiss Conchobair, & ni fail limsa acht bith etir echlachu & oblóire tigi Conchobair. Mithig lim-sa techt do imscrípgail friu. Geib lat dún ind echrad didiu.


Gebid in t-ara in n-echraid & luid in mac issin carpat. Aile a Ibair, ga tulach and in tulach sa thúas innossa, ar in mac bec. Sliab Moduirn sin innossa, ar Ibar. Ocus gia findcharn sút immullaig in t-slebe. Findcharn dana Slebe Moduirn, ar Ibar. Aile is áibind in carn út, ar in mac bec. Oebind omm, bar Ibar. Tair roind a maccain, corrisam in cárn út. Aile at fer saignesach-su lista atchiu, for Ibar. Acht is é-seo mo chétfecht-sa lat-su. Bud é mo fecht dedenach co brunni m-brátha, mad daríus Emain oenfect.


Lotar co mullach na taulcha arái. Maith and a Ibair, ar in mac bec. Tecoisc-siu dam-sa Ultu ar cach leth, dáig nim eolach-sa i crích mo phopa Conchobair etir. Tecoscis in gilla dó Ulaid ar cach leth úad. Tecoiscis dó cnuicc & céti & tulcha in choicid ar cach leth. Tecoscis dó maigi & dune & dindgnai in coicid. Maith and-sin a Ibair, ar in mac bec. Gia mag and in cúlach cernach ochrach glennach sa ruind aness. Mag m-Breg, bar Ibar. Tecoisc-siu dam-sa déntai & dindgnai in maige sin. Tecoscais in gilla dó: Temair & Taltiu, Cleittech & Cnogba & Brug Meic inn Óóc ocus Dún Mac Nechtain Scene.


Aile nach siat na Meic Nectain sin máides nach mó fail na m-bethaid d'Ultaib anda a torchair leo-som díb. Siat omm, bar in gilla. Tair romuind co Dún Mac Nectain, ar in gilla bec. Mairg atbir ón omm, bar Ibar. Is fis dún conid mór in bert báisi a rád. Gib é dig, bar Ibar, ní ba missi. Ragaid do beo no do marb, ar in mac bec. Is mo beo ragas fades, ar Ibar, & mo marb fócebthar icon dún ro fetar, .i. oc Dún Mac Nectain.


Lotar rempo cornice in dún. Ocus tarmlaing in mac assin charput for ind faichthe. Amlaid bói faichthi in dunaid & corthi furri & id iarnaidi na thimchiull & id niachais éside & ainm n-oguim na menoc, & is é ainm bói and: Gip e tised in faidche, dia m-ba gascedach, geis fair ar thecht dind faidchi cen chomrac n-oenfir do fuacra. Airlegais in mac bec in n-ainm & tuc a da rigid mun coirthi. Mar bói in coirthi cona id, tarlaic sin linnid, con toracht tond taris.


Andar lind, ar Ibar, ní ferr sin na a bith i fail irraba. Ocus ro fetamar, fogéba for in faidchi se aní co atái iarair don chur sa, .i. airdena báis & éca & aideda. Maith a Ibair, córaig fortcha in charpait & a fortgemni dam co ro thurthaind cotlud bicán. Mairg atbir ón ám, ar in gilla, dáig is crích bidbad so & ni faidchi airurais. Coraigis in gilla fortcha in charpait & a fortgemne. Taurthais in gilla bec cotlud for ind faidche.


And-sain tanic mac do maccaib Nechtain for in faidchi .i. Fóill mac Nechtain. Na scuir na eochu itir a gillai, ar Fóill. Ní triallaim itir, ar Ibar. Atát a n-ési & a n-aradna im láim béus. Coichi na eich sin etir, for Foill. Da ech Conchobair, ar in gilla, na da chendbricc. Sí sin aichni dobiur-sa forru. Ocus cid tuc na eocho sund co hor cocríchi. Maéthmaccaém co n-gab armu lind, ar in gilla, tanic co hor cocríchi do thasselbad a delba. Ni rop do búaid no choscur ón, ar Fóill. Dia fessaind co m-bad ingníma, is a marb ricfad fathúaid arís co hEmain & ní bad a béo. Ní ingníma omm, bar Ibar, ní comad aid a rád ris etir, is in t-sechtmad bliadain arna breith don fail.


Conúargaib in mac bec a gnúis ó thalmain & tuc a láim dar a gnúis & doringni rothmol corcarda del o mulluch co talmain. Isam ingníma omm, ar in mac bec. Docho lim na rada duit, ni dat ingníma. Bid docho duit, acht condrísem forsind áth, acht eirgsiu ar cend t'arm, daig atchiu is midlachda tanac, ar ní gonaim aradu no echlacha no aes cen armu.


Bidcais in fer sain ar cend a airm. Cóir duit arechus dúin fris sút a meic bic, ar Ibar. Ced ón ecin, ar in mac bec. Fóill mac Nechtain in fer atchí, nín gabat renna no airm no faebair itir. Ní rum-sa is chóir duit-siu sain do rád a Ibair, ar in mac bec. Dobér-sa mo láim fon deil cliss dó, .i. fon n-ubull n-athlegtha n-íarnaide, & tecema illaind a scéith & illaind a étain & béraid comthrom inn ubaill da inchind tria chuladaig co n-dingne retherderg de fria chend anechtair, co m-bat léiri lesbaire aeóir triana chend.


Tánic immach Foill mac Nechtain. Tuc-som a láim fon deil cliss dó & focheird rout n-urchair úad, co tarla illaind a scéith & illaind a étain & berid comthrom inn ubaill da inchind tria chuladaig co n-derna rechderg de fria chend anechtair, co m-ba léir lésbaire aeóir triana chend. Ocus tópacht som a chend dia mede.


Tánic in mac tanaise immach ar in faidchi, Tuachall mac Nechtain. Aile atchiu commaidfide lat sain, ar Tuachall. Ni máidim limm chetus oenláech dommarbad. Ni maidfesu ón a fecht sa, dáig dofáithaisiu limm-sa. Tó duit-siu ar cend t'arm, dáig is midlachda tánac. Bidgais in fer sain ar cend a arm. Cóir duit arechus dúin risiút a meic bic, bar Ibar. Cid són, ar in mac bec. Tuachail mac Nechtain in fer atchí. Meni arrais din chétbulli no din chéturchur no din chéttadall, ní arrais etir chaidche (ar) a amansi & a airgigi non imrend im rennaib na n-arm.


Ni rim-sa is rátti sin a Ibair, ar in mac bec. Dober-sa mo láim fón manáis murnig Conchobair, fon crúisig neme, tecema sin sciath os a broind & brúifet tria asna a thaéib bas siriu uaím ar tregdad a chridi na chliab. Bud aurchur deoraid sin & ni ba hicht urraid. Ni ba teg legis no othrais uaím-se dó co bruinne m-bratha.


And-sin tanic immach sósar na clainde forsin faidchi .i. Faindle mac Nechtain. Is baeth in lucht condránic frit and-sin, ar Fandle. Cid ón, ar in mac bec. Tair sechut sís ar in lind bail ná ró do choss lár. Bidgais Fandle reme for in lind. Coír duit arechus dúin risiút a meic bic, bar Ibar. Cid ón écin, ar in mac bec. Fandle mac Nechtain in fer atchí. Is de diatá in t-ainm fair mar fandaill no mar íaraind imtheít muir. Ni chumgat snámaigi in talman ní dó.


Ní rim-sa is chóir sin do rád a Ibair, ar in mac bec. Saichnid duit-siu ind aband fil ocuind i n-Emain, Kalland. Tráth nos immet in maccrad do chlessaib cluchi furri, & úair nach fóisam in lind, berim-se maccaém cechtar mo da dernand tarsi and-sin & maccaém cechtar mo da gúaland, & ni fliuchaim fadesin gid mo adbrunnu fóthu.


Condránic dóib for ind lind, & furmid in mac bec a rigthi tharis, co tarla in muir aird fri aird fris, & dobretha tathulbéim do chlaidiub Conchobair dó, & tópacht a chend dá médiu & leicis in colaind lasin sruth & dobretha a cend leis.


Con faccatar in n-alma do aigib alta rempu. Cochit na inili imda imdaiscaire a Ibair, ar in mac bec, pettai sút no inn aigi chena. Aige chena omm, bar Ibar. Almai d'aigib alta sain bít i n-diamraib Sleibi Fúait. Saig brot dún forsin n-echraid, dús ar connársimmís ní díb. Saigis in t-ara brot for in n-echraid. Ni chaemnactar eich roremra ind ríg in damrad do chomaitecht. Luid in mac bec assin charput & gebis da n-ag lúatha látiri díb. Cenhglais d'fertsib & d'ithisib & d'iallaib in charpait.


Lotar rempu co forodmag na hEmna, con mafaccatar in n-elta do gésib gela seccu. Cóichi and na eóin sin a Ibair, ar in mac bec. Indat pettai sút no indat éoin chena. Eoin chena omm, bar Ibar, elta do gésib sin tecait di chlochaib & carrgib & ailénaib in mara móir immuich, do geilt for maigib & rédib hErend. Cia bad irdarcu, a m-béo sút do rochtain Emna no ammarb a Ibair, ar in mac bec. Airdarcu a m-béo omm, bar Ibar, dáig ni cách conairg na eoin beoa do gabail. And-sain dobretha in mac ceird m-bic forru, fostaid ocht n-eono díb, & dobretha ceird máir iar sain, & fastaid sé eóin déc díb. Cenglais do fertsib & d'fithisib & iallaib & d'folomnaib & tetaib in carpait.


Tuc lat na eonu a Ibair, ar in mac bec. Túsa i n-dulig, ar Ibar. Cid són écin, ar in mac bec. Fai a mórabba dam. Dianom gluasiur itir assin magin itú, nom thescfat roith iarnaide in charpait (re) feramla & fertsigi & fortressi ceimmi inna hechraide. Danam luur itir dana, nom thollfat & nom thregtaifet benna na n-aigi.


Aile nit fírlaec(h)-su béus a Ibair [iarutn], dáig in fégad fégfat-sa for na echaib, ni ragat assa certimthecht. In tincud tincfat forsna haigib, cromfait a cinnu ar m'ecla & ar m'uamain, & fó duit-siu gid die m-bendaib no chingthé.


Lotar rempo, co rancatar Emain. Is and-sin rathaigis in Leborcham íat, ingen saide Ái & Adairce. Oencharptech sund, for Leborcham, & is uathmar thic. Cind a bidbad fordergga sin charput aice. Eóin áille oengela ic imuarad aice sin charput. Aige altamla anríata i cengul & chrapull & chuibrech & charcair aice, & meni frithalter innocht é, dos-fáithsat óic Ulad leis. Ro-da-fetammar in carptech sin, ar Conchobar, in gilla bec mac mo sethar dochoid co hor cocríche, ro derg a láma & ni dóithanach comraic, & meni frithalter dana dofáithsat óic Emna uili leis.


Ocus ba sed in chomairle ra cruthaiged leo: in bantrocht da lecud immaeh do saigid in meic, .i. tri coicait ban .i. deich mnaa & secht fichit díscir derglomnocht i n-oenfecht uili, & a m-bantoesech rempo, Scandlach, do thócbai annochta & annáre dó. Tancatar immach in banmaccrad uile, & tuargbatar annochta & annáre uile dó. Foilgid in mac a gnúis forru & dobretha a dreich frisin carpat, ar na acced nochta no náre na m-ban.


And-sain ro irgabad in mac bec isin charput. Tucad i trí dabchaib uaruscib é do díbdúd a ferge, & in chetna dabach i tucad in mac bec ro díscáil da cláraib & da circlaib amal chnómaidm imbi. In dabach tanaise con figfed durnu di. In tres dabach fer fos-foilnged & fer ní foilnged etir. And-sain fergga in meic for cúlu, & conácbad a thimthach immi.


Tancatar a delba dó ocus doringni rothmól corcra de ó mulluch co talmain. Secht meóir cechtar a dá choss & secht meóir cechtar a dá lám, & secht meic imlessan cechtar a dá rigrosc iarum, & secht n-gemma de ruthin ruisc foleith cech mac imlesan díb. Cethri tibri díb cechtar a dá grúad: tibri gorm tibri corcra tibri úane tibri buide. Cóica urla fegbuide ón chluaís go cheile dó, amal chir m-bethi no amal brethnasa bánóir fri taul n-grene. Maél gle find fair mar bo atas-lilad. Brat uanide imme, delg n-argait indi. Léni orsnáith immi. Ocus ra sudiged in mac etir da choiss Conchobair. Ocus ro gab in rí ic sliachtad a máile.


Mac bec doringni na gníma sin i cind a secht m-bliadan arna breith, bar ro scart na curaid & na cathmilid, ris torcratar da trian fer n-Ulad, & na fuaratar a dígail forro na con érracht in gein sin chucu, no corb eicen machtad no ingantus de, giano thised co hor críche, gana marbad fer no dís no triur no chethrur, in aim i n-at slana secht m-bliadna déc for Tain bó Cualnge.


In scel fodessin isní and fodechtsa.

Tancatar cethri ollchoicid hErend arnabarach dar Cruind (.i. sliab) sair. Luid Cuchulaind ríam remain rempu, con arnaic fri araid Órláim meic Ailella & Medba. Ro bái oc Tamlactain Órlaib fri Disert Lochad atuaid. Bui ic buing na fertas carpait culind issin fid.


Amae a Láeig, ar Cuchulaind, is tarpech in mod do Ultaib, mas iat benas in fid fon samlaid se ar cind fer n-hErend, ocus airisiu sund bic, co fessur-sa cia benas in fid fon samlaid se. Luid Cuchulaind iarum, con arnaic frisin n-araid. Cid dogni-siu sund a gillai, ar Cuchuhlaind. Itúsa ém, ar in gilla, oc boing na fertas carpait culind sund, daig ar bith ro mebtatar ar carpait inné ic taffund na hailiti urdairce út .i. Conculaind, ocus ar bith t'óclachaisiu a óeclaich conhgain lim-sa, nacham thair in Cuchulaind urdairc sin. Roga duit a gillai, ar Cuchulaind, a n-imtheclamad no a n-imscothad nechtar-de. Dogén a n-imtheclamad, daig is assu.


Forrópart Cuchulaind for a n-imscothad & nos tairnged tria ladraib a choss & a lám i n-agid a fíar & a fadb, con denad a féth & a snass & a slemnugud & a cermad, nos blathiged conna tairised cuil forru, tráth nos leiced úad. And-sin nod fégand dana in gilla. Dar lim ám ale, ní hopair chóir dombiurt-sa fort-su itir. Cóich thussu itir, bar in gilla. Is missi in Cuchulaind airdairc atbertaisiu imbuaruch. Romairc se ón ém, ar in gilla, darochar de-side co bruinni m-bratha.


Nad bia etir a gillai, ar Cuchulaind, ar ní gonaim aradu no echlachu no aes gan armu. Is cia airm itá do thigernasu chena ale. Aracút tall for in fertai, ar in gilla. Dó duit-siu connice & urtha robud dó & ar dogné fatchius. Daig dia condrísam, dofaeth lem-sa. Luid iarsain in t-ara do saigid a thigerna, & cid lúath condránic in gilla, luathiu con arnic Cuchulaind, & topacht a chend de Orláb, ocus turcbais & tasbenais do feraib hErend in cend.


Aided tri Mac n-Árach

Sand-sin tancatar tri meic Árach barsin n-áth ic Ard Chiannacht i n-herus Conculaind, Lon & Ual & Diliu, Maslir & Maslaig & Maslethair anmand a n-arad. Is aire con deochatar sin i comdail Conculaind, dáig ba imnarcraid gním leo doringni in lathe reme forro .i. da mac Nera meic Nuatair meic Thacain do marbad ic Áth Gabla, Orláb mac Ailella & Medba do guin dana & a chend do thaisselbad d'feraib hErend, co ro gontaisium Coinculaind fon samlaid sin & go ructáis a chend leo i taisselbad.


Lotar fon fid & ro bensat tri fidslatta findchuill illamaib a n-arad, condrístais a sessiur i n-oenfecht gliaid fri Coinculaind. Impádar Cuchulaind friu & benais a se cinnu díb. Torchratar meic Árach samlaid la Coinculaind.



Of course, there is much, much, MUCH more to the epic (I only quoted about 1/4 of it), but I AM on 56k after all... a decent translation (with full transcription of the original manuscript) can be found here. An even better one here.

Now, if I were really mean, I could quote the entire text of Smith's Wealth of Nations (it runs over 500 pages) as retribution for all the Republican quips, but I'm just not like that


Now, ethan_h, is the title pronounced "Toyn bo Cooley", or "Tan bo Kellney"? I'm getting references to both. Is Cooley just the Anglicized name for the region?
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Old 26th November 2002, 04:07   #34
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Old 26th November 2002, 04:10   #35
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Old 26th November 2002, 05:08   #36
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*a bunch of Enya lyrics*
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Old 26th November 2002, 06:59   #37
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That is truly the funniest thing I've ever heard, Insomniac

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Old 26th November 2002, 07:35   #38
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Drinking Buddies

Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City. They both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and says "So where are you from, then?"

"I'm from Ireland."

"Me too! I'll drink to that." They both finish their pints and order two more.

"Where in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin."

"Me too! I'll drink to that." They both finish their pints and order two more.

"Where in Dublin are you from?"

"The East Side."

"The East Side? Me too! What a coincidence! I'll drink to that!" They both finish their pints and order two more.

"Where on the East Side are you from?"

"McDonagh Street."

"Me too! This is incredible! I'll drink to that."

As the bartender pours them another two pints, another customer at the bar says to him, "That's amazing! I can't believe they're from the same street in Dublin. What's going on?"

"Oh, it's nothing amazing," says the bartender,"it's just the Ferguson twins getting sloshed again."
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